A few years back I watched a Taiwanese drama based off the manga Absolute Boyfriend, where a girl orders a robot boyfriend (the unrealistically attractive Jiro Wang) who is what every girl would want in a boyfriend: gorgeous, subservient and affectionate; just waiting for your command. In the end Jiro starts gaining Artificial Intelligence and loving the girl for real.
That is what every girl wants? Right? Except... they shouldn't.
If there is one thing I've learned over the years: the perfect guy may just exist if you change your standards.
Set your standards wisely
If you spend your time drooling over celebrities, your standard will be skewed and you'll be setting yourself up for one disappointment after another. Let's face it: if you're looking for the 'whole package,' there's a one in a billion shot of finding it.
Some people will take those odds and flit from one bad relationship for another trying to find someone who ticks all the boxes, but likely putting some of those boxes in the wrong order (or having the wrong boxes altogether).
I'm not saying appearance doesn't matter, but certainly it doesn't matter much. Appearances fade; faithfulness and friendship lasts a lifetime.
Here is my suggestion for a different list:
- Humility. There is nothing like it. Boasting is a turn-off. Nobody wants someone who knows that they're hot stuff, but a lot of girls put up with Mr. Braggart because of appearances.
- Shy. That old '90s song says it best. 'I need a shy guy, the kind of guy who will always be mine.'
- Friendship. There's nothing like falling for your best friend. But if he hasn't been your friend first, at least check his loyalty meter out with his other friends.
- Accommodating. One of the major tip-offs that a relationship is heading for bad water is if a guy is demanding, or non-accommodating. Anyone who is 'my way or the highway' is the worst kind of relationship material.
- Plain. I'd pick a plain John over a Jiro anytime. There is a certain beauty in those that fly under the radar, something others probably won't find attractive but that you can learn to appreciate. As controversial as it seems, I've found love not to be at first sight but something that grows as you and your partner change over time.
Not only can putting appearances first put you in a bad relationship, but it can also hurt your walk with God. How? Pride is a very dangerous slippery thing, and if you get that boost from walking in the room with a Jiro Wang on your arm, then your ego will get between you and a humble walk with the Lord.
If you get an ego boost from other girls you know complimenting your partner, then how do you differentiate your love for him and your love for what others love about him?
I'm not trying to be down on good-looking guys who don't know they're good-looking, but odds are if they're told how great they are often enough, it shifts the dynamic of a relationship putting it on uneven and shaky ground.
The only thing that trumps the boxes above, is a single box that can change all the others: Faith.
When someone has a strong faith in God, and the changed heart through being born again, there is grounds for someone to discover that humility, which is a game-changer in a relationship.
If a guy can say to God: 'teach me how to be a better man' and obey the scriptures, then nothing else matters. If a guy will pray with you, and learn how to follow the example of Christ in self-sacrifice then you have hit the jackpot.
Is it any surprise that God would have a hand in creating the perfect guy? God can do what robotics cannot, in giving a new heart and a guy with a new heart is definitely the perfect boyfriend.
Bridget Brenton sometimes shares things on www.101arguments.com.
Bridget Brenton's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/bridget-brenton.html