Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I've been in the habit of worrying and have failed to learn that you will take care of me like a good Father does to his children. You have shown me on so many occasions that you take care of my needs regardless of my situation and yet I continue to doubt your ability to look after me.
I stress, then I become anxious. That familiar pattern you've seen me in, which you know does nothing but dampen my spirit. Forgive me Father for not trusting that you are who you say you are - a good God and loving Father.
These are the words I felt I had to bring before God in prayer. In recent weeks, I found myself once again drowning in worry. Worry about my life, work situation and my future. Realising that my worry had turned into a bad habit, I knew I needed to stop.
Don't you get it?
As I sat in my room and pondered on the things that were worrying me, I began to reflect on past times when I had been in similar situations and God had made a way for those issues to be resolved. It was like God was saying to me:
I had experienced God's mighty hand at work in my life so many times and I still didn't trust Him in everything. Furthermore, how can I believe that Christ rose from the dead, something that sounds so impossible, and yet fail to believe that God is able to provide for my needs? It's a ridiculous thought! I reflected on this statement and I felt ashamed.
Worrying changes nothing
I know that continual worry doesn't make an inch of a difference. Worrying changes nothing. If anything at all, it may change my focus from God to self. Instead of trusting God in the situation, I begin to take matters into my own hands. I don't seek God's wisdom because I think I know better than He, which may even lead me to sin.
There must be a reason why Jesus tells us not to worry about what we will eat or drink or what we will wear [Matthew Chapter 6, Verse 25-34]. He knows our condition and He knows our needs. So, my primary focus should be to seek to do the will of God (e.g. obey and trust His word, worship Him) and He will provide for all my needs as I do this. This is God's promise [Matthew Chapter 6, Verse 33].
Let God do as He says He will
But the problem isn't that I know, but is that I don't trust. This was the initial reason for my prayer and why I felt I needed to stop the habit of worrying and start trusting in God more. My doubt doesn't mean that God isn't able. He remains who He is regardless of how I feel. I shouldn't keep trying to figure things out in my own understanding, but let God do as He says He will. Trust Him because He is faithful.
One way I can start trusting is by choosing to offload my burdens onto Jesus and trust that He truly cares for me, more than I may even know. I may not understand what is happening in my life, but I need to remember that I serve a mighty God that knows me even better than I know myself.
From worry to praise
So, I have decided to turn my worry into praise. To always rejoice in the Lord. To be anxious for nothing and instead pray about everything and give thanks to God for all that he has done for me. I need to trust that God has my best interests at heart. Then I will experience His peace, which surpasses all understanding, and this peace will guard my heart and mind as I live in Christ Jesus [Philippians Chapter 4, Verse 4-7].
Kandima Awendila was born in Mozambique and lives and works as an IT Service Desk Engineer on the Gold Coast.'Kandi Awendila's archive of articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/kandima-awendila.html