Dear Pastor,
I hate your Sunday service.
It's not you, it's me. It's not your Sunday service, it's all of them.
My relationship with God is deeply meaningful and fulfilling, but as an introvert I find attending Sunday church incredibly hard work.
I know that it works well for many and they feel uplifted and invigorated attending church but it's time we acknowledge that that is not the case for everyone.
I struggle to attend church; Sunday doesn't strengthen or encourage me. I'm left pissed off at people who don't understand that it costs me a lot to be there. It seems that for so many people attending church comes easily, I hear some of those crazy kids even enjoy it!
Angry and resentful
I often hear that I "should" attend the Sunday meeting every week or God's feelings will be hurt (or something similar).
But would you really like having a church populated with resentful, angry people who are attending only from a sense of duty?
Imagine it.
People also like to list the reasons to attend church, which I can sum up as; learning, worship and fellowship.
I do like the sermon, but getting out of bed, putting on make-up (or conversely worrying about my bad skin) and attending a two hour event to hear a 30 minute sermon just doesn't seem like good value for effort.
My need for learning is met via world class sermons and Bible studies on podcast. These I can listen to while doing housework, driving, or even in my PJs while eating my breakfast. The efficiency of these methods pleases me. I find I learn best when I'm physically active.
Sometimes I enjoy the worship but I prefer worshipping on my own where there is no one to distract me with a set schedule they want to stick to or late comers making strange noises as they try to find a good seat.
But fellowship is a team sport
Despite that I can't stand church; I (the PJ wearing loner) still have a deep longing for connection and relationship that cannot be fulfilled without other people.
The best Christian fellowship for me is outside of the Sunday service; in prayer meetings, at home groups, during small Bible studies, around the fire when camping or simply having coffee with people.
However, despite my need for other homo sapiens, recently I was becoming convinced I didn't need church in the form it currently exists.
God interferes
Then God spoke to me. I had my life all figured out, I was going to be a lone ranger, and find another way of getting fellowship, and he reached down and changed my plans.
In fact I was listening to my iPod and the speaker was talking about something amazing that happened in his church.
And God said very clearly into my mind "How could you give up on church when it can get people working together to do great things like that?"
Suddenly in the middle of this boring routine day there were tears rolling down my face and I felt God's approval of me and his love for me.
For so long I and other introverts have been told we are the problem, but I'm here to say that maybe we are the solution. Maybe if we stop being automatically disqualified because we hate current church services we will be able to have input. Maybe we will be able to use our gifts to help our community and maybe we will be able to reach a segment of our world that extroverts cannot, because we understand.
When God spoke to me he didn't disagree with any of the reasons I dislike the institution but he showed me this isn't the end of the church story. It doesn't mean I can't get involved and can't start working to help in a way that works for how I'm shaped.
One day I might even be part of something great, just like I heard on that podcast.
So dear Pastor, despite the fact I don't look terribly committed I will still call myself a church member, I will still pray for you guys and love you, I will still call myself a Christian and sometimes I will even go to the Sunday service.
Yours in deep respect,
Kara
[Disclaimer: I love the people at the church I don't often attend, they are kind, compassionate and love God. The Sunday service is natural and free flowing, with a sense that each person is cared for and known as an individual. I still don't enjoy church.]
Kara Greening trained in biology, works in chemistry and wonders about the physics of the TARDIS in Doctor Who. She is passionate about exploring her faith and being wholehearted in life. She is married to a primary school teacher, they have two cats and have accidently acquired another that needs rehoming – Does anyone want a cat?
Kara Greening's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/kara-greening.html