Last year I bought a journal with the words 'Be brave, be bold' written on the cover. It was a deliberate choice, at a time when I was determined to wage war on the fear I knew was governing certain areas of my life. On the first page I penned, 'Don't let fear write your story'.
I'm done with letting fear write my story. In recent months God's been taking me on a journey. It hasn't been comfortable or easy, but it's been empowering, and I feel like I'm slowly making my way up the mountain, leaving fear behind. Here are some lessons I'm learning as I go...
Declare war on fear
All my life I've wanted to be brave, but often I've chosen to live with fear, taking it on as a part of my identity. Well-intentioned words like 'shy' and 'quiet' were used to describe me and seemed to stick, forming a large part of who I thought I was.
Labels like 'introvert' became a cloak I hid under, where I could find comfort and safety away from the world, only removing it when I was with people who 'had' to love me, like my family and close friends. However, like a caterpillar ready to break from its cocoon, I knew I couldn't stay hidden forever.
We're human—we all struggle with fear. We can live our whole lives letting it dictate how we live and telling us who we are, but we all get to a point where we long to break free.
The first step is to choose to attack it. This requires boldness, as the walls built of fear in our lives can often feel like a place of safety and protection. Fear limits us, stopping us from reaching our full potential. Declare war on fear. Realise you were born to be brave. It's your identity and the way into your destiny.
Get healing
In my own life, a string of experiences led to a very real fear of men and dating. I believed I was completely undesirable, unattractive and uninteresting to all boys. I constantly felt less than and didn't ever believe I could be loved by a man.
Recognising these feelings arose out of my own painful experiences helped me identify them as lies, not the truth. God and I are still working on this, but I've already received a lot of healing and my heart is being set free.
We need to identify where we have fear and then ask ourselves questions to get to its root. Sometimes we bury our pain so deep and we don't even realise why we react in certain ways or where our fear is coming from. Ask God to reveal these hidden wounds in your heart. It might bring up fresh hurt, but the momentary pain of exposing an old wound will soon be forgotten as you let his gentle love make you new again.
Face your fear
Once you've allowed God to bring healing to your heart, you had better be ready for him to give you opportunities to face your fear—because he will! For me, facing my fear meant going on a date, which felt about as terrifying as swimming in a tank full of sharks!
If we are really going to smash our fear, we have to look it right in the face and run towards it. Actually, maybe we only have to tiptoe towards it, but as long as we get there, as long as we face it: God will do the rest. Don't keep hiding from the thing you fear, or it will continue to bind you.
Celebrate every victory
After my date, I celebrated. I did it! I went on a date! I didn't die! I could hold a conversation! Sure, I went in for a handshake when he went in for a hug (who even does that?!) and stepped on his toes all within the first few seconds of meeting him...but hey, it was all up from there!
We didn't stay in touch, but I got to spend time with an amazing guy, and I got to break through a major fear barrier. I felt empowered, and thankful for the opportunity.
Small victories lead to big breakthroughs. Make sure you celebrate each win on your journey. Focus not on how far you have to go, but on how far you've come, even if it's just a small step. You're moving forward, and it's worth celebrating! High five!
The reward is great
Becoming brave isn't a smooth process. It's pretty messy and just when you think you've conquered the fear, something happens and it rears its ugly head again; but keep going...be vulnerable with someone about your process so they can stand with you.
As we root out the fear in our lives, we begin to discover our heart's desires and passions. Without worrying about what others will think, or constantly thinking 'what if...', we begin to discover exactly what it is we were made for as we take risks and face our fears.
On my journey to becoming brave I am finally, at 27, discovering more of what really makes me come alive. Life is much more adventurous when you live bravely.
I still have far to go, and many days I feel exactly the opposite of brave, but I know God is cheering me on all the way: 'You are a mighty warrior. You are brave. You are strong. You are courageous'. So, while I might think I'm a long way off, God already calls me brave; and it's pretty awesome.
What would your life look like if none of your decisions involved fear?
Bonnie loves all things old-fashioned, exploring new places, coffee with friends and being with her family. She is passionate about broken hearts and relationships being restored through the power of vulnerability and honesty with God and others. Bonnie has a Bachelor of Humanitarian and Community Studies and a Master of International Public Health, and hopes to work in developing countries one day.
Bonnie Dowie's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/bonnie-dowie.html