NZ Herald recently ran an article, leading up to NZ cricketer Martin Crow's funeral, on why we should attend a funeral along with reasons one might excuse oneself.
Writer Dylan Cleaver says, "No, it's not good enough to grieve (or not grieve as the case may be) in your own way. A public show of sombreness is the only meaningful, mortal currency."
He then lists the reasons why someone might excuse themselves:
Child's school concert - acceptable.
Business trip to The Hague - acceptable.
Filming blockbuster in overseas location - acceptable.
Wasn't really that close to deceased -tricky one, please explain in writing.
Golf tournament committed to months ago - TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!
Having been a Baptist minister for 39 years it has befallen me to have conducted or been part-of many a funeral.
The first rule is to appreciate this is the final occasion when someone's life is attributable and for loved ones, it is critical it be honest, fair and a true record of that person's life and achievements. The Christian also affirms their faith in Jesus Christ and everlasting life, the story of Salvation.
My first funeral was for a very elderly lady who lived next door to my first church in 1977. Only the church secretary and one of the deacons attended the funeral. It was noted her only son missed the funeral but not the reading of the Will.
I have conducted funerals for six year old girls killed on a school road crossing, to a 14 year old lad killed when the car he was seated (in the rear seat) struck a tree, and the only victim. A motor bike rider was another when it seemed likely a fox ran in front on a very dark night. I've buried the dearest of friends. The most recent 'youth funeral' was a 20 year old lad from cancer last year. I had a great deal of time for James.
Attending a funeral recognises your wishes of respect, support to the family, a part of a network of communities – work, social, sport, associations, church .... There is this thing called "community" saying goodbye and at the same time, a process of moving on.
Family
For the family it is obviously much much more. The person they have loved and been part of day to day, all those growing up years, the wisdom and input, the finality is terrible in that it is no longer available.
In another sense the funeral is the time to say goodbye, let go and gently and ever so cautiously, move on. For the Christian there is an unseen assurance of Salvation and the certainly of being reunited.
There is a message for everyone at a funeral. The physical component will come to an end. The reality for the Christian is that the end is the beginning. C S Lewis speaks of all this from a mind set outside of our reality, that when we die and be with the Lord, we too who love the Lord, will at that same time, be there too – God's time is not our time. We get a glimpse of this idea when we too, can still hear and see in our mind's eye those who have departed.
Attending a funeral
If at all possible be there. I was able to fly to Sydney to be at Bishop Brian King's funeral who worked with me very closely over many years of the sports ministry.
But I was unable to get to my dear friend Graeme Reddel's funeral also in Sydney who did so much missions plumbing for our mission places and many another mission's place both in Australia and Papua New Guinea.
Graeme was particularly special. We had come to pastor Warragamba Baptist congregation and we scoured the newspaper to find out who had a new baby and Delma would make a cake. I was the cake deliverer! Graeme and Jan had their second baby and I turned up with the cake. They began to attend the church and later entered bible college and then to the mission field. But I could not get to the funeral. I sent a letter of passion.
Dr Mark Tronson is a Baptist minister (retired) who served as the Australian cricket team chaplain for 17 years (2000 ret) and established Life After Cricket in 2001. He was recognised by the Olympic Ministry Medal in 2009 presented by Carl Lewis Olympian of the Century. He mentors young writers and has written 24 books, and enjoys writing. He is married to Delma, with four adult children and grand-children.
Mark Tronson's archive of articles can be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/mark-tronson.html