How can a Christian, let alone a Christian leader go through mental health issues? Many leaders want to deny that this horrible experience is even happening to them. They go through a period of self –denial, hoping perhaps it will go away. However, there is another form of denial that goes on in ecclesiastical circles when it comes to leaders and depression – denying to others that anything is wrong or trying to hide the condition (all-but impossible!).
The reason for this attempted 'cover-up' is that Christians in general and Christian leaders in particular, feel deeply embarrassed, guilty if not mortified about going through a period of burnout or depression. There is a lot of 'self –blaming' going on here. Many conduct internal conversations, saying to themselves in a bewildered manner, 'I have faith, I am trusting in God – I should not feel like this'. Or they add to their angst by feeling that they are letting the church 'side down'.
Sadly, unthinking and insensitive Christians, church members and even believing friends can unintentionally kick sufferers when they are spiritually and mentally down. These 'Job's comforters' imply that the individual is only in this condition because they do not have 'enough faith', or don't have the 'right sort' of faith or haven't prayed the right kind of prayer. Apparently, there is the belief among some Christians that seeking professional help for mental health issues is a sign of weakness or even an outright statement that one doesn't believe that God can take care of you. When I was first ill, my doctor sent me to see a Psychiatrist. I happened to mention this to one of the elders of the church where I was serving at the time. It was as if I hadn't used the 'P word' at all. He totally ignored it, and with a rising level of discomfort shifted the conversation to something trivial. That sent me a very powerful message – talking about such stuff is out of bounds!
Also, some Christians question why other believing brothers and sisters would need to be taking antidepressants anyway; suggesting that if you are really trusting in God, then you don't need pills. My own response to this has been to ask these supersaints, 'wouldn't a person suffering from Diabetes take Insulin'?
Some Christians believe that if a person is suffering mental health issues, it is the result of some 'un - confessed sin' in their lives, again taking Job's friends counselling approach!
However, even worse, some imply that the depressed person is in this condition because of 'satanic' or 'demonic' activity going on in their life! Thus adding a dose of spiritual trauma to the sufferer's dizzying cocktail of confusion and guilt. Speaking personally, when I was seriously ill with Bi –Polar, I was 'bush- wacked' by some well –meaning but misguided Christian friends. They believed that my depression was wholly spiritual in nature, and maybe demonic in origin. Some very zealous folks wanted to pray over me in order to secure my deliverance from the demons causing my depression – whether I wanted to prayed for or not!
With this amount of prejudice about mental health issues still doing the rounds among some Christians – no wonder that Christians in general and Leaders in particular, deny publically that they have a problem. Who needs that kind of publicity or attention! The tendency for some leaders facing this situation is to become what Jesus termed, a á½'ποκÏίÏ"ηÏ' (hypokrites), – mask wearing 'play actors'. Not in a deliberately deceptive sense, but in a cover up, self-protecting sense. Some, rightly or wrongly feel judged, disenfranchised and alienated. Who can they really talk to? To the elders, but they are their employers, it could lead to dismissal; not the congregation, they may not understand, they may reject them. Some pastors, feel desperately trapped in a claustrophobic bubble of self - protective loneliness. They could well echo the haunting words of Freddie Mercury when he sung: The Show Must Go On.
The Show must go on!
The Show must go on! Yeah!
Inside my heart is breaking,
My make-up may be flaking,
But my smile, still, stays on!
I have sometimes found my self singing this refrain – particularly on a Sunday morning. I don't think I am alone here.
Lightening the load
When Ministers start to feel overwhelmed by the task they have been given, they tend to look for ways to lighten the load. They are like hot-air balloons that need to throw ballast over the side of the basket in order to stay aloft. So they start dumping things overboard, but not necessarily the obvious and external 'ministerial' things. The personal things go first. The times of unhurried prayer, reading the bible and other good books, or listening to a favourite CD. Time with husband or wife may well be jettisoned. Quality and unhurried time with children may also be sacrificed. Hobbies that help to 're –create' may also be dumped over the side.
Unhealthy anaesthetics
When some Ministers 'hit the wall' in terms of stress they can look for other more sinister ways to take away the pain. They may turn to alcohol as an anaesthetic for their inner hurt, or perhaps turn to smoking or over-eating in an attempt to mask the inner pain of their situation. Some turn to the sexual fantasy-world of pornography as a way to escape the unwelcome realities of ministerial life. Sadly, some deliberately get themselves involved in immoral relationships, often hoping to get caught so that they will be put out of the misery by being 'forced' to leave the pastoral ministry.
Hydroplaning
Bill Hybels states that when over stretched and stressed some Ministers may start to 'hydroplane' over important parts of their life. This 'numbness in their souls' causes them to avoid areas which are emotionally demanding. They tend to skim over problems that need to be attended to; to put 'band aids' over problems instead of facing up to them and sorting them out. Sadly, when the ministerial parent is under stress children can be seen as 'just another problem' to deal with. They can then be easily slotted into this 'quick fix' – sticking plaster category. When Ministers go through stress and depression they only not the only ones who suffer, their families do too. Adrian Plass' insightful poem, The Real Problem comes uncomfortably close to the real situation in some Christian leader's homes. Plass says that he wrote it from the child's point of view. It's worth quoting in full, I grimaced a lot as I read it myself!
Sunday is a funny day,
It starts with lots of noise,
Mummy rushes round with socks,
And daddy shouts, 'You boys'
Then Mummy says, 'Now don't blame them,
You know you're just as bad,
You've only just got out of bed,
It really makes me mad!'
My mummy is a Christian,
My daddy is as well,
My mummy says, Oh, heavens!'
My daddy says, 'Oh hell!'
And when we get to church at last,
It's really very strange,
'Cos Mum and Dad stop arguing
And suddenly they change.
At church my mum and dad are friends,
They get on very well,
But no one knows they've had a row,
And I'm bot gonna tell.
People come often come to them,
Because they are so nice,
And Mum and Dad are very pleased
To give them some advice.
They tell them Christian
Is worth an awful lot,
But I don't know what freedom means,
If freedom's what they've got.
Daddy loves the meetings,
He's always at them all,
He's learning how to understand
The letters of St Paul.
But Mummy says, 'I'm stuck at home
To lead my Christian life,
It's just as well for blinkin' Paul
He didn't have a wife.'
I once heard my mummy say
She'd walk out of his life,
I once heard Daddy say to her
He'd picked a rotten wife.
They really love each other,
I think they really do,
I think the people in the church
Would help them – if they knew.
I have to admit that there were times in my family when this poem fitted what was happening almost exactly.
Next in the series: Ministerial Meltdown - Part III: 'What can we do about this Ministerial Malady?'
Read the first part of this three-part series here
The author Dr Alan Palmer is Head of Religious Studies and Head of Scholars and Oxbridge at Culford School. He would welcome feedback from readers. He can be contacted at Apalmer@culford.co.uk