Well, tough bikkies. I’m not apologising.
I did not put you down, I was not disparaging in any way, I simply spoke what I believe to be truth.
My belief
It is quite possible that what I believe to be true actually is not. I may have been misinformed. I may simply not have all the relevant facts at my fingertips. In fact sometimes it is almost impossible to have all the facts together, even with the help of Google or erudite friends.
If, in fact, you realize that I have the wrong information, please tell me. Give me the benefit of the doubt. I hope that I will have the grace to listen to you without getting upset or letting my ego get in the way of being corrected.
But to the best of my ability I spoke my opinion honestly. If you did not like hearing it, that is not my problem.
May I gently suggest that you think about why my opinion should have offended you?
The truth
Maybe you don’t want to recognize the truth. There could be many reasons for this. Maybe you have not been taught properly. Maybe you have chosen to believe a lie because you are scared of upsetting someone you value. Maybe your identity is tied up in the lie.
Maybe you simply don’t like the truth because if you acknowledge it, it might mean that you have to change your own worldview and there is too much at stake. Your reputation – professionally and personally – might have to change. You might have to eat humble pie and that always tastes bitter.
And yet the Bible tells us to be clothed with humility, for God, in caring for us, resists the proud but gives grace to the humble (1 Peter chapter 5, verse 5-7).
Disagreement
Am I not allowed to disagree with you? We should both hold our opinions lightly even if we both feel that our opinion is the only valid one in this instance.
This becomes tricky when there are some things that I hold as absolute truths that I will never deny. Among these is that Jesus is the Son of God, he died for my sins and God raised him from the dead that I might be forgiven by God and have eternal life.
Much as I would love to see you acknowledge this for yourself, I will not try to force you to believe it. That is ultimately God’s job. I think a lot of damage has been done in the lives of individuals and whole nations because of this through people, who know what is true and liberating, wanting to make everyone else realize this.
But we can have robust discussions about pretty much everything else. Evolution, homosexuality, climate change, the veracity of the Bible. We may not change each other’s opinions about these and similar issues, but at least we should be able to discuss them without anger, offence or feeling threatened by each other.
The mind is like a parachute – it only works when it’s open
Having an open mind makes us easy to get on with. It means we will not take personal offence when someone differs from us. We listen, without judgment.
It does not mean that we accept or agree with everything that is put to us.
The Christian injunction to love is so often misrepresented here. If I love someone the way Jesus loved, (which is unconditional and non-judgmental) that does not mean I condone what they have done (just like Jesus didn’t).
I may love a person who has just stolen something from a shop. That does not mean I think that person did not do wrong. I may love a murderer, but I do not think that person is innocent of doing wrong.
This can be hugely offensive to people whose interpretation is that if I love someone, I approve of what they’ve done. Somehow we have to take back the ground we have lost by not standing up for what we believe in because we have been afraid of offending someone.
Taking offence is a choice
If you are afraid of what people might think of you, you might be ready to defend yourself to the hilt if it was ever threatened. In fact you might make a big deal of being offended, but I would draw your attention to some sage advice I found doing the rounds on social media: just because you are offended doesn’t mean you are right.
My goal never was to offend you. But in taking offence, you might become like the city that has built walls of protection around itself (see Proverbs chapter 18, verse 19).These walls will ultimately end up imprisoning you rather than protecting you. If we don’t dare to risk being hurt (for example by having our word view upset, or acknowledging truth), we cannot love like Jesus – unconditionally.
I urge you then, don’t be offended by what I said. Instead, seek to understand why you took offence. In finding that, you may have peace (see Psalm 119 verse 165).
Aira Chilcott B.Sc (Hons), M. Contemp Sci, Cert IV in Christian Ministry and Theology, Cert IV in Training and Evaluation, Grad Dip Ed., began her working life at the John Curtin School of Medical Research, investigating characteristics of cancer cells. Turning to teaching in the Christian school system provided opportunities to learn theology, more science, mission trips and explore the outdoors through bushwalking and other exploits. Now retired, Aira is a panellist for Young Writers and volunteers at a nature park. Aira is married to Bill and they have three adult sons.
Aira Chilcott's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/aira-chilcott.html