It was then that I giggled a little…
The truth? It was one of my dear little 4 year olds looking sheepishly into my eyes, but he was dead serious. There was no joking around, this little one meant business. He asked again. Dang, I was flattered. I knelt down and gave him a hug and said "Maybe one day Johnny…"
His face lit up with joy as he bounced outside to go play in the sandpit. And this wouldn't be the last time. He's my very own knight and shining armour just waiting in the wings. As I say… one of the more romantic moments in my life.
Since these on-going proposals I am not only flattered (yes a 4 year old wanting to marry me does give the ego a wee boost…) but also fascinated by this persistent child. There is no stopping him, for a while it was like clockwork on a Tuesday morning, lesson would finish, cue proposal. I'm going to be honest… the day he turns 5 and goes to school, there will be a small void on my Tuesday mornings.
Persistence
This child has taught me a great lesson about faith. Not a complicated lesson about the apologetics of suffering, but the kind of lesson Jesus tried to teach his disciples. A lesson in persistence. A lesson in not giving up. A lesson in running the race.
To be honest, giving up sometimes is the easiest option. When you're lying on your couch having an accidental nap, sometimes church is the last place you want to be. When you're ready to run away in frustration and anger, sometimes it is just plain easier. If I'm honest this has been a struggle in my life, and I'm surely not the only one.
The struggle to keep pressing into God when I have so many unanswered questions, the struggle to keep turning up to church when I have been hurt, the struggle to be honest with someone (or God) in fear of their judgement. These struggles all have easy options of giving up, but, is it really worth it?
Do I run?
Let's be honest, doing a runner is sometimes just simple and easy, it's sticking around to fight the good fight that requires balls. Sorry, I mean courage. So why would we? But seriously, how many of us sit around with pro's and con's lists about should we go to church or not instead of just getting off our bums to go and spend some time with Jesus and our community in whatever form that may be. I am extremely guilty in this case.
I have to ask myself a few questions, often.
Is it worth letting someone get in between you and your relationship with God? Is it worth letting someone's judgement stop you from going to church? Is it worth running away? I have no clear cut answers to these questions but I do know that the my avoidance or running, instead of persisting, does not necessary draw me closer to the only perfect love I'll ever know, Jesus. And that is not something I want to let go of in this hectic world.
What I know to be true
He's not going anywhere, in fact he hasn't moved an inch, but in my experience, when I stop persisting through the gunk, questions and hurt, I move a little bit further away from Him. And that can be painful. I know Jesus well enough now to know that even if I don't 'feel' close with him or necessarily want to 'give myself' too Him he's not going anywhere. He will be waiting. He will be persisting.
Pride
So why won't I persist with Him? My darn pride. Sometimes I think I know better. My pride tells me that actually I don't need Jesus, I can hack it on my own. My pride tells me that I am invincible. There is something wrong with this picture as I puff myself up to prove to the world that I'm amazing, with or without Jesus. Ugh I wish I wasn't human sometimes…
And this is why my dear Johnny is teaching me a lesson every week. He completely humbles himself before asking me his endearing question. In his humility he is able to persist. He has a desired outcome, obviously, but if I don't say yes that day, he doesn't give up. He doesn't let his Pride nurse the battle wound; instead he humbles himself again and persists.
This wee gentlemen has not yet figured out that we won't get married as I am 18 years his senior and no there won't be a happily ever after. Quite frankly that would be weird and I'm pretty sure illegal. But the innocent proposals continue, he still sits next to me whenever we make a circle and ALWAYS offers to carry my rock heavy boom box. His persistence is unfailing. His persistence is the kind of love and persistence I hope to show people.
His persistence is the kind of persistence I attempt (very poorly sometimes…) to my King. I don't want my story to be a story of being a runner; I want my story to be one of fighting and pushing on through.
I want my story and my relationship with Jesus to reflect a courage and persistence that continues to fight through the gunk and questions. Some days will be worse and some will be better but at least I know with Jesus' persistence I only have to meet him halfway.
Chloe Pryor is a young adult living in Auckland New Zealand. Studying a Bachelor of Dance, in her spare time she teaches young children dance, ballet and jazz, whilst volunteering hours in the youth ministry of her local church. Chloe has a passion for God and serving the local church with a defined heart for women.
Chloe Pryor's previous articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/chloe-pryor.html