There was a time in my life when I felt empty, rejected, depressed, guilty and ashamed of the mistakes that I had made. By day I would put on a big smile, but at night I continually found myself wetting my pillow with tears.
I never really felt comfortable talking to anyone about my situation. So I would go about pretending that I was okay when in reality I needed help. I was miserable.
Stuck in a deep pit
A chain of hurtful events had occurred in my life that lead to my depression. I was tormented at night by what I now have come to understand were demonic attacks. I had recently lost my father, was physically assaulted by a neighbour and my boyfriend had broken up with me.
I was an 18 year old struggling to understand what was going on in my life. I felt like I was stuck in a deep pit and couldn't climb out. I knew I had a problem but I didn't know how to fix it.
The life changing conversation
A friend of mine introduced me to a couple of missionaries from the USA that had come to Harare, Zimbabwe (where I was living at the time) on a mission trip. They called me one day and told me they wanted to speak to me because they could tell just by looking at me that there was something wrong.
I agreed to meet with them at a church and they both shared their life stories with me. They told me of the difficulties they had faced and expressed how their lives had been incredibly changed since they had accepted Christ into their hearts.
I in turn shared about my situation and how guilty and ashamed I felt about so many things I had done wrong. They told me about God and how he loved us so much that he sent his only son to die on the cross to take away all our sins. That through belief in him, we receive forgiveness for all our sins.
I was utterly amazed that someone would give up their life for me and was ready to receive this gift from God. So with the help of the missionaries, I prayed and confessed that I was a sinner and asked Jesus Christ to come into my life.
Filled with joy and peace
Words can never express the joy and peace I felt when I walked out of that room after that conversation. A heavy weight was lifted off my shoulder. That emptiness I felt was gone and instead I felt an inner peace. That day, I came to realise that all that I really needed was Jesus Christ. My friends and family even noticed the difference in me. I was filled with joy.
The hope in Jesus Christ
More than a decade on and I'm still amazed just how one conversation can change a life. Before I spoke to these missionaries, I had heard about Jesus Christ but not in the manner that they had explained. I knew of Him, but I never knew I could have a personal relationship with Him. I hadn't understood that God loved and cared for me so much and wanted to have a relationship with me - he wanted me to know that He is my heavenly Father and I his daughter.
I will always be thankful to those missionaries for sharing the gospel with me. I can no longer imagine a life without Christ. Now even more than ever, I'm recognising just how important it is to share the gospel with others. There is so much need out there. I remember this one conversation and just how much I've been changed by it.
My life still has its difficulties but it is comforting to know that God is always by my side carrying me through those tough times. It's what gives me hope and peace in the storms of my life.
Kandima Awendila was born in ambique and lives and works as an IT Service Desk Engineer on the Gold Coast. She is passionate about the Word of God and hopes her life testifies of the amazing love of Jesus Christ.
Kandima Awendila's archive of articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/kandima-awendila.html