I was 16 years old and attending high school in Jamaica. One day, while hanging out with other boys in the bushes at school, someone pulled out a sex book. I had never seen a book like that before. It was filled with naked men and women. I was stunned.
I remember even feeling nervous at what I saw. I took one look and that did it for me. I was hooked. From that day, it seemed something entered my life, my body, or my mind. I was not sure but something came in me or on me. I became addicted to porn, from just one look.
The urge and addiction
From that day forward, I found myself changing. I began seeking more of those books, images and the feelings that I experienced that day. I began searching in bookstores and pharmacies, etc. In those days, the internet was not around.
Eventually I found a pharmacy that had those sex books and I began visiting it and reading them. There was a (No Reading Sign) there, but I could not resist the urge. When I became an adult, the urge became stronger. I began to seek out more and more ways to look at porn. Eventually that led me to cable television and later, the internet.
This thing, the urge, the addiction, the desire, stayed with me for 16 years, until age 32. Simply put, I was addicted to porn for 16 years. Throughout those years, I kept telling myself, “I am not addicted” and “I am in control”. I was lying to myself.
Tangible effects
There were many days, when I had much to do, that I did nothing. I spent the day watching porn. I could see the tangible effects of porn in my life; having more than one girlfriend, masturbation, sexual promiscuity, lust, lying, sleeping around and even dating married women. Oh boy, I was a terrible sinner.
The years went by but the desire for porn didn’t. The desire increased. The urges became insatiable. Little by little, I saw my mind began to change. It became overrun with sexual images, the images I saw in books and on television.
Surprisingly, even though I was hooked to watching porn, I was still a virgin, at least in the teen years. But, it was the porn addiction that eventually drove me to break my virginity. It happened with a lady much older than me, and it was a disaster. That sexual experience was meaningless. Today, I don’t even know if she is alive or dead. It was an empty exercise, void of any real connection to the lady. It was just a release of sexual tension, built up by porn. It was just lust.
Looking back at those years, I realized porn didn’t help me with women, on the other hand it negatively affected me. It made me less confident and less self-assured. Porn didn’t turn me into a monster nor did it cause me to demean women, but it definitely gave fuel to the idea of having more than one girl.
For me, the most damage that porn did was deceived me about the beauty of marriage. No girl in my life could talk to me about marriage and settling down. None. If any girl tried to, I was looking for the nearest exit door out of that relationship. So, you guessed it, my relationships were short and lacking real commitment.
Fast forward to 2006, I met Jesus Christ. I became born again. In fact, the day I walked to the altar, I heard voices, telling me, “You are unclean, you are unclean, and Christ will never receive you.” At that time I wasn’t sure where the voices were coming from and from who. Now I know it was unclean spirits that spoke to me.
The preacher stopped preaching and walked to my row
Early in my walk with Christ, I was still looking at porn. I just couldn’t shake it from me. One Sunday at church, something strange happened. The Preacher stopped preaching and walked from the pulpit to where I was sitting.
He didn’t look at me, but he said, “God doesn’t want us to be watching any blue movies.” ‘Blue movies’ means porn, at least in the Jamaican context. Immediately, I felt something inside. Was he speaking to me? How would he know? I felt a conviction, but that didn’t stop me from watching porn.
The Preacher Walked to my Row Again
The next week at church, the same thing happened. The preacher stopped preaching and walked to where I was sitting and said the same words, “God doesn’t want you to be watching those kind of movies.” He didn’t look at me. In fact, he looked at the ceiling.
Was he speaking to me? I pondered in my heart. Suddenly, I heard an audible, loud voice speak to me, “I am speaking to you.” The strength of that voice flung me to the ground in the church. I was on my face on the floor. Something was happening inside of me. A deliverance was taking place. God was delivering me from 16 years of porn addiction.
Join me for Part 2 of this article, where I will share how the deliverance was completed.
Shalom and many blessings
David Jeremiah Roberts is a man of God, author and speaker for Jesus Christ. He has been in the Kingdom of God since 2006. He is called to be an end time prophet for Jesus Christ, and he is a gifted prophetic scribe. He has written many books including, ‘God Does Not Speak English’, ‘Eat Me and Live’ and ‘Getting Baptism Right’.
David is an ordained minister, an anointed and demonstrative teacher of the Word. He is passionate about learning, growing and walking in his purpose, and has a great desire to bring revelation knowledge to the body of Christ, to help the saints walk in their purpose. David loves listening to music, reading and watching football. His favourite club is Manchester United and he writes from the tropical island paradise, Jamaica.