Like many women in their twenties, I assumed this was the decade of discovering myself.
My high-school peers are starting families, travelling the world, and buying Porsches. I'm making minimum wage, working ten-hour split shifts at a preschool, and my passport is gathering dust in a desk drawer. Is there such a thing as a less-than-midlife crisis?
I know twenty-six is young in the scope of life, but I feel more and more like I've missed something vital. A combination of exhaustion and financial stress is putting unprecedented pressure on me to find a calling and pursue it.
A midlife crisis is about rediscovering yourself, but in your twenties, the pressure is on to choose a path and stick with it. How do you navigate that sort of thing?
First things first...
I need my heart to be at peace, whether I decide to do graduate school, change careers again, or simply rest a while in this place. So rather than compare myself to my peers, I'm going to remember that God loves me just as I am. That way, whatever direction I take, I'll be working from a place of intimacy with Him rather than striving to be good enough.
What is purpose?
In 1 Corinthians chapter 13, Paul tell us that love endures (verse 13) and gives meaning (verse 1) and that learning to love is crucial to maturing. (verse 11). I don't want to build my life on the rock of Jesus with materials that won't last – but anything that is central to loving God and others ought to endure. Love remains, so love is the only material worth building with.
I recently had a conversation with a friend that went something like this:
Me: "I feel so stressed about my finances and trying to figure out what steps to take next."
Friend: "Think about it this way, instead. The world is relationships. Focus there."
That conversation brought me so much peace and freedom. My life will be built with relationships, especially a relationship with God.
Relationships Matter
Jesus made it very clear that God provides everything we need. (Matthew chapter 6 Verses 25-34) Of course, there is a time and place for thinking about stewarding finances and preparing for the future... but when it comes to what really matters – it's all about relationships – with God and with people. Our heart's position counts because relationships come from the heart. Personally, when my heart feels right, everything I do feels life-giving and fruitful. But when my heart isn't right, I pull away, especially from God. Isn't it funny how that works?
So to protect purpose and relationship, I must protect my heart, take every thought captive, and be mindful that love, above all, endures.
All things considered...
Suddenly, the future doesn't seem so stressful, and age is just a number. Suddenly, I realize that I can't go wrong if I'm walking in right relationship with God.
I'm not saying that travel and a new car wouldn't be nice. I would still like to commit to a career that is both life-giving and financially rewarding. But suddenly, I don't feel that I'm late to the party. We're all on our own paths and there's no reason to compare.
I thought my twenties were about discovering myself, but maybe it's just another season to discover God and how He sees me. From that place of knowing my identity in Him, I can discover how He sees others. If relationships are the building blocks of life, I'm glad they can be built on Jesus.
Grace lives in Redding, California. She is constantly inspired by the beauty around her. She loves to hike, fish, ski, and take long walks. She is passionate about worship and seeing God's love lived out through her community.
Grace Wood's articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/grace-wood.html