Have you ever read Proverbs 31 and instead of rejoicing, you look at your present circumstance and it has brought you to tears. "Well that will never be me," you say under your breathe. Maybe her secret was that she never slept.
The reality is that we set the Proverbs 31 woman as our bar and we get discouraged and even sometimes fall apart when we don't even accomplish half the stuff she did.
Recently, Voodie Baucham shed a bit of light on this for me, he said that this Proverb is not a command on how women should look or act. The book of Proverbs is a poetry book and we need to be careful not to take it as a command on how to live our life. We are raised in pursuit of the Proverbs 31 woman, and no wonder we get discouraged when we don't meet the standard we have created.
Social Media sets our new standard
Now, not only is Proverbs 31 staring us in the eye, but also social media. We turn on Facebook or Pinterest and compare ourselves to others. We look and see we don't have what they have, or we can't do what they do and we get discouraged.
For example: the Jones' look like they have the perfect family in those family portraits with all five kids smiling and clean white shirts. Then there is the Jane Doe who has just created an amazing five course meal with a wonderful centre piece for all of her friends to see. And of course there is Jane Smith who is always so creative, look how she made all those beautiful presents by hand for all of her friends and her house is spotless.
When we look at Social Media all we see is a snap shot in time. We don't see the hours and money that went into creating that perfect picture. We don't see the tears of the failed attempts, or the discouragement they all feel when it doesn't look perfect. We don't see who they are comparing themselves to. When all we see is snap shots of people's lives it is easy to compare, to want, to wish, to think.
Pinterest has become the new Proverbs 31 standard
I'm new to Pinterest and I do love the creativity of the people on it. It is exciting to see the gifts that God has given to people. For instance, it is amazing how someone can take a box of crayons, put it on a canvas and into the oven and a few minutes later they have a beautiful masterpiece to hang on their wall.
Recently I was planning a birthday for my four year old son and decided to do a bit of research using Pinterest. He wanted an Astronaut themed party. After a search, my attitude quickly changed, no longer was it one of wonder and excitement but rather of comparison, dread and it almost became a competition, who can out do who.
As I looked through the countless ideas I realised that I was out of my league in the finance and creativity department. I honestly could not justify spending 100's to 1000's of dollars on my four year olds birthday nor the countless hours it would take to do some of those projects.
I suddenly started to feel guilty that I couldn't give him and do all the ideas. Not only that, I started to wonder what the other mothers would think if my party wasn't up to the standard. What if my chairs didn't match, or if the children didn't have space suits to wear? Yes, what if!!
The funny thing is that my friends don't really care about these things; they are excited to be there to spend time celebrating my son. I wanted to celebrate his birthday and for him to have a great day but we have much better things to spend our time and money on; things that have eternal value and that is the friends he is making.
What is Perfection?
The thing that we need to realise is that we are not perfect this side of heaven, yet we put all these expectations on ourselves thinking that we can be. We want to be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, worker, etc.. But why can't we just be who God made us to be. When He created us He knew exactly what He wanted. He made us all unique, not equal. Imagine how boring our world would be if we were all Martha Stewarts.
In fact what makes the world better is the fact that we are all uniquely gifted and need each other. Not one of us has it all. Sure some people look like they can do it all, they are artsy, crafty, have a small business, a clean house and amazing looking children, but not everything is always as it seems. The outside can look perfect but the inside is falling apart.
To quote a favourite philosopher from my time, Sebastian from the Little Mermaid:
"The sea weed is always green in somebody else's lake,
You dream about going up there but that is a big mistake,
Just look at the world around you
Right here on the ocean floor
Such wonderful things surround you
What more is you lookin' for ?"
What else are you looking for?
Are you unsatisfied with where you are at or what you have? Why? No matter how much creativity you have, or how clean your house is, or how great of marks your children get, or how fantastic your cooking is, or how much money you have, the truth is that you always want more. You want perfection.
Woman who seem to have it all together and have it all want more too. We all have that comparison chart to someone else. The only perfection is in Jesus and we need to stand on that. When we begin to compare, or rather covet as the Bible calls it (and that is a sin) we need to look to Jesus in our weakness and say, "so what I can't ________, I am going to do what you have called me to do."
God has given me that ability to do other amazing things. Though my adventures may never be Pinterest pinnable I know that God has gifted me and I am going to love what I do.
Instead of looking at each other for the standard we should look to Him. We should be seeking God to find out who we are and what we are gifted at. This does not mean that we stop using Social Media, but rather give these outlets a dose of reality, realising that they are only pictures or a video of someone's moment in time. It isn't their everyday real life.
Next time you turn on Facebook or Pinterest and something catches your eye, praise God that He made us all uniquely different and creative in our own way. I am so grateful that others put ideas up that I would never have thought of. But I refuse to compare or put my identity in that. For I know who I am.
Next time we have a look, how about checking our hearts, making sure out motives are right and that we are not coveting something we don't have or can't do. Let's give God the glory by using our gifts and being proud of the person He has made us to be. You are fearfully and wonderfully made!
Genevieve Wilson is married with two children who served with YWAM for eight years in Brisbane and now serving in mission in Canada as a modern day abolitionist.
Genevieve Wilson's previous articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/genevieve-wilson.html