It was your usual Friday afternoon; I was standing in line at the supermarket buying treats for the weekend. Of course, I had chosen the line where there was a toddler throwing a high pitched temper tantrum. Screaming, yelling, throwing. Ugh. So, instead of being wise and changing lanes, I decided to avoid the unnerving embarrassing stare from the mother and stick it out.
And actually, the latest Women's Day had caught my eye. More importantly than drowning out the horrendous noise, it was imperative that I knew the latest on Tom and Katie's divorce. After all, it made headlines in our evening news, it was that important. Ha. So I read the article about the millions that is going down the drain in this divorce and the speculations of what Tom could have possibly done. It was all very epic and at the same time it was all very depressing. Confession: I bought the magazine.
After reading the whole article about five times I got thinking about forgiveness. I don't know why forgiveness popped into my head, but for some reason I felt very sad. I started thinking (as if I knew them myself...) Could Tom and Katie forgive each other? Do they really need to go through what will only be immense pain and money? And that little girl? It all seemed so catastrophic. Disastrous. Okay, it is likely that I got caught in the hype, but maybe this pain could have been avoided if someone had embraced forgiveness and reconciliation? I try to be optimistic.
These words are big and scary. I don't know a whole lot about these words. Forgiveness scares me. I think sometimes I try to be mature and understand forgiveness, but often this concept only makes it as a thought in my life. Sometimes it is just too hard.
When I think about forgiveness I ultimately think about Jesus
I think about an innocent man taking the weight of my wrongs and wiping it clean. I think about a man who loves me so much that he doesn't look at my life counting up the wrongs but rather has shown me how those wrongs can teach, grow and heal me, all because of his forgiveness.
So then I take this concept of forgiveness and place it in my world. And it seems lost. I look around at the hurt and chaos and feel nauseous. Do people even forgive each other any more? Can we forgive? Will we ever 'turn the other check'? Again, I'm optimistic.
I want to experience and know this forgiveness in my day to day life and in my relationships because I have seen the fruit that forgiving can produce. Unfortunately it seems so unattainable. It seems like an ideal that will never quite hit planet earth. It seems like an abstract concept that goes against every bone in my body, especially when someone has seriously wronged me. It seems like something I will never achieve.
And then I remember; the forgiveness that Jesus has shown me is perfect, I am not.
I realise that I will never 'forgive and forget' like Jesus, but I can only hope to do my best.
I want to learn to forgive well
Like many, I have watched people living in un-forgiveness.
It appears that bitterness seeps into every corner of their lives, the hurt hardens them. They lose touch of reality. In this state, we can lose touch of our humanness.
However, amongst the hurt and pain of being fallen, being human means we do have choice. We do have the choice to forgive and move forward.
Personally, I don't want my hands to be tied by un-forgiveness. I don't want to live in bitterness.
Someone once told me "Un-forgiveness is like living in a jail cell, only, your holding the key". I can just picture it. I imagine sitting in there, cold, bruised, and banging against the walls yelling for someone to let me out. All the while, I'm holding the key... It's that moment of realising, duh, I can let myself out.
To forgive, it starts with a choice. A commitment to forgiving. And then we need to ask Jesus to give us the strength on a daily basis to continue forgiving that person, because whether big or small, it's going to be hard. It was painful (literally) for Jesus to forgive us, but the pain has made it worth it. And it will for us.
But the hope is this, we couldn't ask for a better example, he's the ultimate forgiver. He will show us how, everyday, through his own mercy and love.
It's a challenge. It's mighty hard. But personally, I don't want to live life feeling like I'm trapped in a Jail cell when I could do something to get out.
I know I'm being idyllic, but one day I hope this "f word" can change the headlines in our news.
Chloe Pryor is a young adult living in Auckland New Zealand. Studying a Bachelor of Dance, in her spare time she teaches young children dance, ballet and jazz, whilst volunteering hours in the youth ministry of her local church. Chloe has a passion for God and serving the local church with a defined heart for women.
Chloe Pryor's previous articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/chloe-pryor.html