Tired of 'vanilla' church services? Where boring sermons are preached from a dusty old pulpit, with no relevance to today's fast, instant and #now lifestyle?
Where natural light would otherwise blind your eyes to the awesomeness of highly vibrant video screens and laser lights infused with manufactured fog? At our awesome services, all you need to do is rock up, throw your money in the bucket and we'll do the rest! All in atmospheric, air-conditioned and ergonomically seated comfort!
Each Sunday we provide you with all the latest hype and imagery for the ultimate sensory experience. Rock up, put your hands up, close your eyelids and prepare to be ROCKED by the most talented (and best looking) musicians our church has to offer.
Once the tinkling piano keys are the only thing you hear we will seamlessly drift into a highly emotive tithe/offering call, in which your heartstrings will be tugged in order to empty your pockets so to regain 30 to 60 to 100 fold of what you have already put-in.
After this you will be absolutely BLOWN AWAY by one of our gifted p̷r̷e̷a̷c̷h̷e̷r̷s c̷o̷m̷m̷u̷n̷i̷c̷a̷t̷o̷r̷s speakers who will no doubt sport the latest loosely formal (yet coolest) clothing, haircut, invisible microphone, five o'clock stubble and accompanying hot wife.
Every Sunday our speakers will Bring the Word in the most attention-grabbing yet highly vacuous way possible. So much so you will need to come back next week in order for it to fully sink-in to your spirit!
Conferences I hear you ask? Each year we invest in an awesome line up of gifted speakers for our yearly 'Just Another Conference-Conference'. Each year the intensity of our conferences just grows and grows. Your socks will literally be blown clean off by our worship band/lightshow spec-ta-cu-lar while at the same time you will be fed like clapping circus seals with awesome kingdom tools that will cause you to prosper and influence your family and friends to meld into the culture that is our church.
"Why all the hype?" I hear you ask...
Funny story, I asked myself the same thing years ago as I was sipping on my white chocolate mocha at Gloria Jeans one Saturday afternoon, then suddenly the vision hit me...
No longer could I suffer the brief (yet rewarding) benefits of the corporate world without giving back to the community. But instead of working within the current one, a NEW community needed to be created and people needed to be ported across into it!A phase-phrase I coined called Kingdom Shifting would start the ball rolling. After literally scouring the scriptures for hours to buttress and support my idea, the vision of Totally Big-Time Awesome Community Church was born!
With my experience in the corporate world all that was needed were a few key players who were on board with the vision, a massive building (soon to be converted) and a whole lot of faith... and 2 years later we are here!
With the size of our building, the plethora of programs we run, the smiling good looking people who adorn the amphitheatre every week, amazing singers and the audio visual feast that propels every meeting... You have to ask yourself, "How could God NOT be in this?!"
Tim Everton
- Director and founder of the imaginary yet awesome 'Totally Big-Time Awesome Community Church'
For more info please check our church's new fully sick website, http://totallybigtimeawesomecommunitychurch.weebly.com/
Tim Everton is a youth worker and part time designer/artist from the beautiful southern coast of South Australia. In his off-time he pursues highly tongue-in-cheek satire and delves into his creative passions, the beach and seeking out the next best cafe latte all in equal measure.
Tim Everton's previous articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/tim-everton.html