Billy Graham's grandson, Tullian Tchividjian, says he's reached his lowest point in the wake of admitting to an affair, but he's found that the bottom is "where Jesus is."
In a lengthy Facebook post, Tchividjian gives an update on his family life since his admission. He resigned from his position as senior pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in South Florida in June, which he has led since 2009, after releasing a statement detailing his affair. He said he was "heartbroken and devastated" when he discovered that his wife Kim had been in an adulterous relationship, and then "sought comfort in a friend and developed an inappropriate relationship myself."
He later sought counselling.
"As you can imagine, the last few months have changed my life forever. Nothing will ever be the same. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up one morning and it will have all been a bad, bad dream. But that morning never comes," he wrote on Tuesday.
"Instead I wake up every day and am freshly hit with the fact that this nightmare is real. My family and I are, at every imaginable level, overwhelmed. What life will look like from here on out is completely unknown to us. And that scares me. But we are alive and not without hope. We are certain that better and brighter days are ahead."
Tchividjian says that he wants to "crawl into a hole and be anonymous for a long, long time", but has instead decided to speak out about his struggles in the hopes of showing more of God's grace.
"If I only let you see me when I'm "good" and "strong" and polished and "at the top", I undermine the very message that I claim to believe. I am tempted to hide until I am 'shiny' again. But if I run away because I don't want you to see me broken and weak and sad and angry and struggling with fear and guilt and shame, then I fail to practice what I preach—and one of the many things I've learned from this is that failing to practice what you preach is destructive," he said.
"The gospel frees me to let you see me at my worst...And it's dark. I knew I was bad, but I never knew I was this bad. So, if I refuse to give you a glimpse into my walk through the valley of the shadow of death, then you'll never see the grace that meets me every day at my absolute nastiest.
"Grace always flows to the lowest point, and while it scares me to death because I'm a lot more image conscious then I let on, I'm going to let you see me at the bottom—because that's where Jesus is."
Adding that the prayers of Christians around the world have helped to sustain his family during a difficult period, Tchividjian promised to continue giving insight into what is "helping me along this journey".
"I'll keep you posted on what's going on," he said. "The good, the bad, and the ugly."