I see a theme repeated in my life, more often than I would like actually; learning to find the value in suffering.
In Psalm 22, verse 1 there is something deeply moving about the heartfelt cries of "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me? Why are You so far from helping Me, And from the words of my groaning?"
This depth and honesty can be lacking in our light, shiny Sunday prayers when we ask for God's blessing on our already happy lives.
If you are anything like me you will sometimes feel that your prayers are ineffective, without power or passion, but in suffering all this changes. Yet, regardless of deep sincerity and need, even these prayers can be unanswered and the struggle remains.
While I don't think suffering is sent to us to "teach us a lesson" I do know it can be an opportunity for growth—Christ works in us differently during hardship.
My first experience of suffering
When I was a child my father had an accident that left one of his legs completely crushed. In hospital he received insufficient pain relief. After hospital discharge he was bedridden for six months, in pain.
My mother stalked the house violently during this time, muttering James chapter 1 under her breath: "... consider it pure joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience..."
I saw how hard the pain was for Dad and I saw how hard it was on Mum looking after him. However Dad told me that this time brought him back—face to face with God. Without it he may have drifted away from faith entirely.
I found God in my suffering
When I suffered a traumatic brain injury and had a chronic illness as a young adult, my whole life changed. I had to stop living for the moment (as I had been doing) and start to think long term.
This led me to seek the deeper things of life, and ended with me as an adult putting my faith in Jesus once again.
Now, looking back, I can see the beautiful way in which God worked in me during this time, transforming me, changing my mind and increasing my understanding.
I found love in my suffering
In my illness and head injury drama I ended up in hospital during my university exam time.
I expected my female friends to support me but they were caught up in the stress of exams and I was (understandably) forgotten.
I didn't expect that the young man I had recently started seeing would step up, providing support and assistance. But he did. He was there all day and every day, talking to the doctors and getting me what I needed. He studied and slept at my bedside.
His compassion, kindness and sheer generosity was breath-taking. Through my suffering he was able to show a different side of himself and I saw the depth of his character in a way not visible during the fun and bustle of normal university life.
I fell in love. (This was 13 years ago and we are still very much in love, thank you for asking).
Perfection through suffering?
I can honestly say that the pain I have gone through has been awful in so many ways. Long term disability and waiting for healing is tough.
But maybe the Bible got it right when it says in Hebrews chapter 2, verse 10, that it was fitting for Jesus to be made perfect through suffering. That despite Jesus' lack of sin, he was actually perfected in his suffering.
I am so far from perfect that it isn't funny, but maybe I am one step closer now and maybe after the next set of troubles I will take another step?
Regardless of what the future holds, I want to remind myself that even in the midst of terrible things God is working a miraculous transformation inside of us, and one day it will all be worth it.
Kara Greening trained in biology, works in chemistry and wonders about the physics of the TARDIS. She is passionate about exploring her faith and being wholehearted in life. She is married to a primary school teacher and they have two cats.
Kara Greening's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/kara-greening.html