Accepting the past
I know I have made many mistakes in my life and at times I just wish I could go back and change them. If we did indeed have the power to change our past, would this power make us behave any differently? Or would we instead take it for granted and never learn from past mistakes because we have the power to change them? Would changing our past alter our future for the better or for the worst? How would we move forward if we kept dwelling in the past?
But perhaps there is a good reason why we haven't been given the power to turn back our clocks. As I reflect on such a world, to a certain extent I am grateful that I cannot change my past because it is what has contributed to the person I am today. The reality is that I cannot change my past, so it's either I accept it, learn from it and strive to not make the same mistakes again, or I can choose to make the same mistakes, and continue to carry guilt and shame.
I hope that with God's help, I can receive forgiveness for those things I did wrong and be able to move ahead with Him.
I may not have the power to alter my past, but I know I have the ability (with God's help) to build a character in me that is more pleasing to God. I have the ability to choose to live a life according to God's word, and in the process, God can use my past experiences, no matter how good or bad, to be able to help others.
Accepting the answer
Then I have those times when I feel like life is just unfair. A chain smoker that continues to smoke to old age doesn't contract cancer but the one who has never smoked a single cigarette in their life ends up with lung cancer. I hear of a friend or relative that has contracted a terminal illness, and I pray for healing, only to hear the dreaded news that they have passed away. Then I try and figure out what it is that I did wrong, or wonder why God allowed such a thing to happen to a good person. Why didn't God just spare his life? Why didn't God intervene in the situation? Did I pray or do too little?
Sometimes it can be quite difficult to understand why these things happen. We fervently pray and fast and wait for an answer, but unfortunately sometimes the answer we receive may not be the answer we anticipated. We can be so hurt sometimes that we distance ourselves from God and we even begin to question whether God really is there. But is God's existence really dependent on the way we feel or our circumstances?
One thing I have come to understand is that there are just some things that are beyond human understanding. At times such as these, we can decide to blame God for the sad outcome, or we can choose to cling to Him that will give us the comfort and strength to be able to get through the difficult time. We need to accept that God is in control, has a plan and He knows exactly what He is doing. God has the power to give and to take away. He has far greater wisdom than any man could ever understand.
I take comfort in knowing that God's ways are higher than my own, and his thoughts are higher than my mine (Isaiah 55 verses 8-9). He knows and understands our pain. I can call on Him; He will answer and come to my rescue (Psalm 91 verses 14-15).
As time goes by, I am learning to accept the things I cannot change and allowing God to continue to reveal the things in me that He would want for me to change.
Kandima Awendila was born in Mozambique and lives and works as an IT Service Desk Engineer on the Gold Coast.
Kandi Awendila's archive of articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/kandima-awendila.html
