You wake up one day and it suddenly dawns on you that you will never see your wife again. She lost her battle to that dreadful disease called cancer and you just don't know how you will live without her.
You want to crawl back into bed and wish that it was all just a dream, and that you will soon wake up to see her resting by your side. But reality kicks you in the gut and you have to face one more day without her.
None of us are immune to pain and suffering in this world. Regardless of religion, cultural background or status, we will all go through some form of pain at any point in our lives. The loss of a loved one, depression, broken relationships, unemployment, hunger and the list goes on.
What is our response in times of pain?
People respond differently in such difficult circumstances. Some people question the existence of God and why he would allow so much suffering. Some question so much that they even use this circumstance as "proof" that God doesn't really exist.
Others respond with anger towards God and distance themselves from Him, while others reach out to God and seek comfort from Him. One question often asked as we battle through our emotions is why? Why do we have to go through so much pain?
One of the most painful experiences anyone could ever go through is the loss of a loved one. I like many others, am no stranger to loss. I lost my parents some years ago. No words can truly express the pain my family and I went through. It was such a difficult time and I still miss them dearly.
A question I continually asked is why God had allowed this to happen? Surely He is powerful enough to prevent such a dreadful thing from happening? So why didn't He? Will my questions ever be answered and will I ever come to understand?
Finding rest in God's grace
I read a Discovery Series booklet published by RBC ministries entitled "Out of the Ashes - God's Presence in Job's pain" which really spoke to me. The booklet talks about a man in the bible called Job, who feared God and shunned evil. Job lost his entire family, his property and even his health [Job chapter 1 verse 3].
He suffered terribly and he had many questions for God. I cannot imagine what great pain Job was going through. What I find admirable about Job is that he still affirmed and had faith in God. He drew closer to God and even praised Him through his suffering [Job chapter 1 verse 21].
I like what Bill Crowder goes on to state in this booklet. He writes:
"Without explaining the mystery or reconciling the pain, God reminded Job that His power and wisdom were infinitely beyond Job's. The solution to suffering and the doubts it raises is not found in argument. It is found in learning to rest in God's grace and to trust in His power - even when the suffering is mysterious and overwhelming."
Will my questions ever be answered?
I may not fully understand the reasons for the struggles I go through, but I find it comforting to know that God has a much better understanding of who I am, and a much bigger picture of my life (and lives of others around me).
He has profound wisdom. Although sometimes it may not seem like it, God is an ever-present help and gives us the strength to pull through those tough times. He understands what I'm going through. I have also come to learn that such sufferings can teach me and mould me into a better person and in turn be used to bless others.
I know I need learn to place my trust in God, then I will find rest in His abounding love, mercy and grace.
Kandima Awendila was born in Mozambique and lives and works as an IT Service Desk Engineer on the Gold Coast.
Kandima Awendila's archive of articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/kandima-awendila.html