Realizing my own pride
A number of years ago I was in a lecture on Intercession (a specific type of prayer). As part of the preparation process to pray, we had a time of confession. There was no pressure to share, but if we felt we had something to confess publicly, we could openly share our sin.
As soon as the time of confession started, I felt God whisper to me there was pride in my heart and I needed to confess it with the class. Immediately, my pride stubbornly answered back to God there was no way that was going to happen. A few people shared, but the Speaker that day had a sense there was still someone else who needed to share. I knew it was me, but I stubbornly refused to share and yield to God.
After waiting for a period of time, the Speaker moved on, but God did not. The internal sense that I needed to confess pride was growing so strong, I couldn’t concentrate. I had no idea what was going on in class, all I could think about was my internal battle with God and the pride of my own heart.
The pressure became so severe, I couldn’t resist it any longer. I awkwardly raised my hand and asked if I could still confess something. The Speaker graciously allowed me to interrupt his teaching and share. I stood up and confessed I was prideful, I thought I knew better than others and better than God and I no longer wanted it in my life, I wanted to be humble.
Learning humility
Before that time, I desperately wanted God to use me. I wanted to do great things for Him, to change the world and make a difference, but what I didn’t realize is that I didn’t trust God. I didn’t trust that when my will opposed His, His way is always the best way for Him and for me.
Obadiah, chapter 1, verse 3 says “The pride of your heart has deceived you…” The pride in my heart couldn’t allow me to see my own heart and relationship with God accurately. I thought I was so mature, yet I wasn’t willing to obey God in something so small and trivial.
How could I expect God to use me to change the world, when I wasn’t willing to follow Him for 5 minutes? I wanted to follow God on my own terms. I wanted to obey Him when it felt good and when I agreed with Him, following God when it hurt and required sacrifice, required trust I didn’t have. I thought I was ready to change the world for God, but first He needed to teach me how to trust Him and yield my will to His before we could partner together.
Yielding to God
Over the next few years, I began to learn how to yield to God when He spoke, to trust Him and His ways, rather than my own. I once heard a pastor say, ‘maturity is reflected in how quickly you obey.’ I found the more I grew in understanding the character and nature of God, the more I trusted Him and obeyed.
The more I yielded to God, the more He used me. My life became so much more exciting and fun. I no longer needed to be in control and worry about doing the right thing all the time, but rather, trust God and His God-ness. I became so much happier and joyful. I could feel God’s joy welling up inside me and the more I grew in trust, the stronger it became.
God desires obedience more than sacrifice
1 Samuel, chapter 15, verse 22 says “Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice…” I’m learning God wants my heart more than He wants me to do things and sacrifice for Him. God wants me to know Him, to love Him, to trust Him, and then from that place, to obey Him.
God doesn’t want me to work for Him, but rather learn how to partner with Him. And the only way that’s going to happen is if I learn how to trust and obey.
Are you being deceived by your pride?
Obadiah says that we can deceive ourselves. Do you think you know better than God? Do you believe that God is the most trustworthy person in the Universe? What is holding you back from trusting Him? What would happen if you tried to yield your will to God’s and obey Him?
God is patiently waiting for you to trust Him. He wants your heart, above your sacrifices. Maybe you’re like me and the first step to trusting God is confessing your own pride.
Laurinda is a missionary at Youth with a Mission in Brisbane where she leads a discipleship program for young adults. On her day off you can find her hiking up a mountain or swinging in a hammock.
Laurinda Rapp’s previous articles may be viewed at
http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/laurinda-rapp.html
Laurinda is a missionary at Youth with a Mission in Brisbane where she leads a discipleship program for young adults. On her day off you can find her hiking up a mountain or swinging in a hammock.
Laurinda Rapp’s previous articles may be viewed at
