If you’d told me 10 years ago to stop inviting people to church, I’d have quickly argued back at you. Today, as a 29 year old, I see things a little differently.
Recently, I expressed it in a Facebook post:
“Dear Christians,
I know you mean well. Your intentions are pure. But this particular common behaviour
can be more damaging than you realise. And hey, I'll be the first to admit I used to do it too.
Can we please not only be interested in token invitations to church or connect group?
There's nothing wrong with those two things, and your intentions are good.
But, there's more to my life than whether I come to church on Sunday or your connect groups during the week.
Are you actually interested in who I am as a person? Do you actually want to have dinner or coffee with me and get to know about my life? I do. I want to actually know you.
Church is great, but there's more to me than that.
Can we be better at creating real, unforced community?
We could be the best at it, and maybe more people would want to come to church if they see how much we genuinely love each other...
Love,
Teagan”
The feelings expressed in that Facebook post are thoughts that been processing for the last 10 years. For the better part of the last 10 years, I’ve found myself on the “other side” many more times than I expected.
After leaving the church I affectionately called home at age 20 to venture interstate, I searched high and low for a church that felt like home. The bar was set high because I loved the church I grew up in. It was my second home, and the people were like second family to me.
I was the girl involved in everything at church. If there was a church event, I was there. Prayer meeting: I was there or possibly even leading it. I was a youth leader; I led a connect group, and I’d attend multiple services many weekends. Church was life for me.
But when I found myself on the other side of the fence as the new girl, attending and visiting new churches to find one that I’d plant myself in, I was discouraged because it often seemed that Christians were more interested in whether I was attending their connect group than my actual life.
I’d receive text message or phone calls from leaders inviting me to connect group, and reminding me to come to church, when all I really wanted was for them to ask me out for a coffee and get to know me.
Their intentions of trying to help connect me in the church were noble. I can see that. It’s important to help people gel, and connect groups are definitely part of that.
But if it’s always only church invites, sometimes it can feel a little shallow. Now, I know it goes both ways. I could initiate social catch ups and dinners with people at church, and I do.
But I do think that when you’re a new person, trying to find your feet in a church, there should be an onus on the leaders and regular attendees of that church (the ones that have been there a long time) to really reach out and make you feel welcome.
When you’re new, it can be scary to initiate social catch ups. And yet, we need them to build friendships. Going to church for 90 minutes and then leaving when the service is finished, isn’t really going to give you a glimpse into a person’s real life and world.
I’d love to see us as Christians, and particularly those who have been at one church for a long time, really making the effort to love our fellow Christian brothers and sisters more genuinely, and actually “doing life” together more.
Sometimes we can become so focused on outreach, that we forget our own brothers and sisters within the church need us, and need our love.
I think of the scripture in Romans 12:9-13
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
This will look different for all of us. We all have different giftings, different capacities and commitments. So perhaps loving the Lord’s people will look different for you than it does for me.
Maybe for you it will be a movie night with a girlfriend, or organising a poker night with the boys. Whatever it is, let’s build Christian relationships that extend beyond the four walls of the Church. Let’s actually really care about each other’s lives, and be intentional about it.
Life is much more than the 90 minutes we spend at church once a week and we all crave genuine community and friendships, so let’s build those relationships in organic ways.
Teagan spends her 9 to 5 as a Social Media Producer in Sydney. After 5, she can be found running, drinking coffee, shopping, on the beach, or cooking up a storm. She studied Psychology at University, and plans to ‘one day’ complete her Masters and work as a shrink, but in the meantime, she is navigating her way through this thing called life and trying to stop and smell the roses along the way.
Teagan Russell’s previous articles may be viewed at
http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/teagan-russell.html