I have been the unfortunate bearer of both of you for the past year and a half. You are my bane. And you have been hanging around me for my entire life. Unfortunately, you make me feel very sick and you don't seem to be nicking off any time soon, so feel free to hear me out on this one...
I am finishing the remnants of what was my dinner on my plate. Dinner for me involves a lot of staring. When I stare, I imagine what the pasta carbonara flinging against their chins must taste like. Or the bread, bread, bread, that perches itself on the edge of their plates. They say it is 'alright', 'not bad', 'average', 'something special tonight', or just a 'pretty good' dinner.
'Just a pretty good dinner hey?' I reply in my mind. Sure, okay. Let me just continue wishing I was consuming that garlic bread that you have left on your plate to wipe up the remains of your creamy, bacon-y, onion scented, chive-focused Carbonara. So I continue wishing and yearning for an end to the plight of my downtrodden stomach.
Hey! Hang on, round two is now (and forevermore) approaching. Dessert is placed on the bench. And when I turn my eyes to look at it, I am once more faced with a decision. 'Emily, practise the art of self-control,' I tell myself. The decision remains: Do I continue staring at everyone eating the glorious citrusy, wheat-filled and dairy-decadent tarts? Or do I devour four of them? The latter often has my taste-buds dancing for joy. I cross my fingers and pray to the good and Almighty Lord, hoping, hoping, hoping. Dang, not this time. Hey coeliac disease and dairy intolerance, make yourself at home. I'll just go eat a salad?
(Pause, take a breath and scream internally at the thought of eating a salad)
NO, I DON'T WANT A SALAD!
I WANT SOME GOOD BREAD!
I WANT THAT WHOLE TUB OF COOKIES AND CREAM ICECREAM!
I WANT THAT CREAMY PASTA WITH A SIDE OF CHEESY ITALIAN PIZZA!
AND THAT WHITE CHOCOLATE AND RASPBERRY PUDDING I CAN SMELL FROM MY ROOM!
Practising the art of self control
Let's just say that I think I was created without the self-control button. When it comes to my food consumption mixed in with all my allergies, saying no to any type of food is a task and a half for me. I feel surrounded, often submerged by the constant nagging of my mind to eat foods which I cannot eat. It is my daily, and – more often than not – hourly struggle.
I am reminded daily of the fruits of the Spirit, one of which is self-control. I know. I know that very well. Galatians chapter 5, verses 22-23 often dwell in my mind. But knowing and acting upon what I know are two very different ideals. Recently a good friend said to me, 'It shouldn't be this much of a problem, Emily.' And they were very right.
I guess there has never been a more exciting time in my life to eat a salad, right?
Freedom from temptation
There is a simple answer to this complicated desire. And I know it to be this: delving deeply into the Father and knowing that Christ has truly set me free.
This is the greatest form of liberation from temptation. Galatians chapter 5, verse 1 says, 'So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure you stay free, and don't get tied up again...' It is my heart's absolute desire to seek God in and through this temptation. I don't get it perfect every time, but I have discovered a way to stand firm and revel in my freedom.
I have found the only way to combat this desire is to pray. I pray every time I see something that I would love to eat but am not allowed. For me, it is honestly the only thing that stops me from eating. And it works very, very well. It is a simple prayer. It doesn't resonate loudly throughout the hallways, nor is it tainted with much authority. But it is entirely sincere and said with absolute vulnerability: 'God please take away this desire to eat – now.' And often, just like that, the desire disappears. Win win!
On a side note
I have found there to be three advantages to being gluten and dairy free:
- Sushi, sushi, sushi for life
- It now proves I'm not a hypochondriac
- I never have to taste beer
So, there you have it folks! This is the real-deal, real-life stuff. I hope my freedom from temptation, found only through Jesus, helps you tackle your real-deal, real-life stuff so you too can walk in freedom.
Emily Black is passionate about writing and seeks to write raw, authentic and timely pieces that disturb and comfort, engage justice and fundamentally empower. She is currently studying a Bachelor of Arts at The University of Melbourne and actively desires to pursue a life of untainted freedom through Jesus Christ.
Emily Black's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/emily-black.html