I regret nothing. A phrase that I have seen pasted on pictures and even tattooed. I recently read a statement made by Rita Mero: "I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. The hard times you go through build character, making you a much stronger person."
When people are asked whether they have any regrets, I have commonly seen them express how they have no regrets and that everything that has happened in their past is what has contributed to who they are today.
Whenever I hear such a response, I always feel this urge to step up to the person and ask - really? There really isn't anything in your life that you wish you hadn't done? The "no regrets, it's made me who I am today" response always seems like the "right" thing to say.
Given the chance, wouldn't anybody have even the slightest desire to have done something differently in their life? Is it really possible to go through life and not have any regrets?
What does no regret really mean?
Are there some possible reasons for the "no regrets" response? Could this response be driven by the fact that we really aren't proud of what we've done and use this answer as a cover up? But this response could very well be the honest response - unrepentant, unapologetic for all prior incidents in one's life. Or could it even be that we haven't really thought about what this question actually means?
So I ask myself the same question. Do I have any regrets? Do I regret saying those bad words that hurt another person? Do I regret making a bad decision? Do I regret behaving in a bad manner? Would anyone ever look back at something like that or even a crime they committed and say they are glad they did it and have no regret? I must say it would be quite sad if they were glad.
I can't help but get a hint of pride in statements like "I regret nothing". I am not proud of some of the things I have done in my life. I do have some regrets. There are number of things I wish I could have done differently. But given that I cannot change what has happened in the past, all I can really do is learn from my previous experiences and try not to make the same mistakes again.
Just because I have learned from a mistake doesn't necessarily mean that I don't regret making that mistake in the first place. I am sorry for saying something hurtful when I could have very well said something encouraging instead. I am sorry for giving in to bad behaviour when I could have walked away from it instead.
Yes I agree that hard times do build our character - some things are just out of our control too. But aren't our lives also shaped by the choices that we make? Even the wrong choices? So should I sit proud of those bad choices?
I recognise that I shouldn't dwell in the past and let regret get the better of me. However, I also need to be honest with myself. I need to take responsibility for my actions, look at how I could have done things differently, ask for forgiveness and move on with my life.
Kandima Awendila was born in Mozambique and lives and works as an IT Service Desk Engineer on the Gold Coast.
Kandi Awendila's archive of articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/kandima-awendila.html