Watching my sister and others around me has opened my eyes to the world of parenting and in particular, the experiences of mothers. In 2012, I wrote a thesis on the effects of fatigue on mums and their functioning. I looked at what types of things they did to look after themselves and what they enjoyed doing in their spare time (of which there was not a lot of!).
I discovered that the majority of mums that took part in my study were tired (mentally and physically), giving out all that they had to others and didn't spend much time looking after themselves.
Response after response clearly showed that these mums were choosing to put their families before themselves. Even just "going to the toilet alone" or "having a cuppa" was like they had been handed a million dollars! These mums were giving up their time, energy and sanity, day in, day out, in order to serve those around them.
This phenomenon has become more and more apparent to me as I have read posts on my Facebook feed each day, read articles online and spent time on a regular basis with mums that are close to me. These mums are working hard.
Not only that, but their duties don't ever wait for them to re-energise before they keep going. From sleep deprivation to tantrums to being smothered with love to feeling like you can't go on, these mums must experience every emotion every single day. Dads, too, play an important role and experience countless emotions in a day, but that's a topic for another article!
So what?
There are several things I have noticed about these mums that are particularly inspiring to me as a young woman who doesn't yet have children. There are also things that we can all do to support those mothers of young children around us.
1.These ladies care about their families.
The love that these mums have for their children, expressed through photos, comments, affection and acts of service is incredibly inspiring. Even in moments when children show difficult behaviours, are disobedient or don't have the best attitude, I see that mums care by the way in which they speak to their children, devote their time, energy and attention toward their children and the way that they lovingly discipline their children. They don't just care about their children though! These mothers care about their marriages and they take the time to invest in their relationship with their spouse.
2.These ladies sacrifice for their families.
Whilst it must be the more attractive option to stay in bed with the covers over their head for the majority of the week, these mothers wake up with an attitude that says, "They are more important than I am." I envision that becoming a parent involves a lot of putting your needs aside to meet the needs of people who are immensely dependent on you. Sacrifice is not a popular option in our world, and yet my heart is warmed as I see mothers give up their time, physical energy, mental energy and effort to love their families.
3.These ladies use their time productively.
How often do we look back on a day and say "I didn't get much done today!" One thing I notice about these mums is that they take the time to investigate, create, plan and prepare for how they use their time; in particular, their time with their children and as a family. There are so many ideas out there for ways to interact with and have fun with kids and I admire the ways in which mums continue to take the time to give their children their attention and have fun together.
4.These ladies never give up.
I don't know about you, but if I had to manage cleaning up vomit, changing nappies, toilet training, cleaning up food thrown on the ground, children needing attention and preparing meals on a daily basis, I think I would find myself wanting to throw in the towel regularly. Despite all these demands, mothers continue to wake up every morning and somehow find the energy to keep going, for the sake of their families.
5.These ladies run to God as their source of satisfaction.
I walk into houses and hear praise and worship music, I see bibles and journals, I see mothers bringing their children to church every week and I see mothers try their best to engage in small groups where they can grow their in their love and knowledge of Jesus. These women know that the world cannot offer them the satisfaction, refreshment or motivation that they crave. They recognise that Jesus is the source of all of these things; he is their bread of life and their living water.
For those of us who aren't mums…
The best advice I was ever given with regard to helping these mums out was to offer to (or secretly, depending on your relationship with the mother) help in a small way whenever you visit a mother of a young child. A small gesture can go a long way. Why not offer to wash a load of dishes, bring in or hang out a basket of washing, empty the dishwasher or pick up a couple of toys? Why not bring with you a treat for her or her children, or write her a letter of encouragement? Why not offer to make you both a cup of tea and let her sit down? If you don't have a good relationship with the mother, this may make her feel uncomfortable, but the best thing you can do is genuinely offer support in whatever way you can. A great question to ask is, "What can I do to help this mum get half-an-hour or an hour of rest today?"
For those mums out there…
Mothers, I honour you and respect you. I want you to know that you are noticed, admired and loved. It is my prayer that those who are close to you are able to uphold you in love and in prayer and show you acts of service. It is my prayer that as you give out so freely, that you, too, are cared for. Although I am not a parent myself, I can see that parenting is difficult; in particular, raising children to know and love Jesus.
But take heart! Rest in the knowledge that God will give you the grace you need for the roles that you play in the lives of those you love.
Sarah Young is completing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and loves spending time engaging with young people. She spends her spare time writing songs, running and going on adventures with her husband, James.
Sarah Young's previous articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/sarah-young.html