Lately I have been saddened to hear stories from Christians in various walks of life that have had to deal with the heartbreaking ramifications of porn in their marriage or in their singleness. Some of the marriages are still together yet several of them have gone down the route of divorce.
With porn being so easily accessible this silent sin can go unnoticed for years or decades till the true tragedy unfolds. The truth is that porn is addictive. It lures people in. Slowly their conscience is sheered either through the novels they read or in the videos and pictures they see. Slowly they are desensitized and before long they can sit through a movie like '50 shades of grey' and think that is okay it is just a movies and maybe even beneficial for one's marriage. Maybe I can pick up some tips.
I am going to tell you now what the church may not and that is that PORN IS A SIN AND IT KILLS. You heard me! Porn kills!!
What does it kill you may ask? It kills your conscience, your marriage, your heart, your purity, your relationships. It kills the way you look at the opposite sex. You no longer see them as valuable human beings created in the image of God but rather mere objects there to fulfill your fleshly desires.
I myself do not struggle in this area but I have heard countless stories about people being addicted and how it has affected them. As a church we can no longer sit by and say "well that is okay you struggle with porn, you have needs and they need to be met. It won't hurt anybody." Well the truth is that it is hurting lots of bodies. Lots of God children are broken because of this sin. It is addicting and causing unrealistic expectations and ideas on people and their marriages.
Doesn't marriage take away the desire
A person who struggles with sexual sin before marriage will still struggle with it after they say their "I do's." Many people who enter into marriage with addictions believe that when they get married all their issues are going to go away but the truth is that those vows are not some magic potion that stops all desires for everything outside of marriage and suddenly you are healed of any addiction. Rather the opposite may in fact happen. Sure at first you may seem healed and things are going great but unless you have the healing power of Jesus in that area, it will come back.
Addiction doesn't care if you are married or not. Addictions need to be nailed to the cross. Jesus came to set us all free. And through Him we can be set free.
So whose fault is it when a spouse struggles with Porn?
Just like all sin, it is our own fault. It is the person who struggles with it. It is time that people own up for their sin rather than blame it on somebody else.
Recently I have heard of stories where the spouse actually blames the other spouse for their porn addiction. Rather than admitting that they are human and fall short of the glory of God and need God's help to overcome their sin they blame their spouse. I can only imagine how their spouse felt being told that because they did not give them "enough sex" they were using porn and/or prostitutes to meet their desire.
How much is enough sex?
Once a week? Is it three times a week? Once a day? What is "enough sex?" The truth is that you may never get enough sex from your partner. Life happens. To seek things outside of your marriage to fulfill your desire for sex is lust and contrary to the Spirit. We are not to make sex into an idol to be worshipped. We must crucify the flesh and live in the Spirit
One of my dear friend's grandma who was married before modern birth control went through a very traumatic birth and almost died. The doctor even told her that if she did get pregnant again that she would die. The husband heart broke at the thought of losing his wife and so out of the love he had for her he did not sleep with her again to make sure that she did not fall pregnant again. Now that is love.
This man realized that his wife is worth more than sex and honoured their relationship and did not lay with her again. What a trial that would have been for them. The ups and downs, the frustrations they both would have felt. Yet, he did not blame her; he loved her and honoured her. And because of that she was able to be around to see her grandchildren grow up. Their love that lived in the Spirit not just through the flesh.
For those who are struggling, there is hope
If you are the person who struggles with porn, it is time for you to take ownership of your sin. It is time to quit blaming others for your own mistakes, to humble yourself before God, your spouse, your family and whoever else you may need to. It is time for you to seek Godly counsel, counsel that will call sin "sin", and not sugar coat things, but rather prayerfully work things out with you. It is time for you to deal with your sin and to stop blaming others.
If you are single and you are struggling with porn, it is time for you to address this issue. It is better to deal with this sin before you enter marriage as it will save a lot of heartache and grief. Talk with your pastor or some Godly elders, have them pray with you and seek the healing you need. Marriage is not your answer to resolve this sin, Jesus is.
Remember that Jesus came to set the captives free!! There is freedom in Him!
Genevieve Wilson is a happily married stay at home, home-schooling mum of 3, whose passion is to see people come to know Jesus. She worked 8 years as a missionary with Youth with a Mission(YWAM). She has a heart for justice and to see the abolition of the modern day slave trade.
Genevieve Wilson's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/genevieve-wilson.html