It’s crunch time. There’s no more excuses. Nothing more to fall back on. All that I thought I could be has got to show through- now. Or never.
Pause. [Deep breath].
The cracks. Begin. To show.
It’s my greatest fear. That I’m not up to it. That I’m not who I thought I was.
The time is coming. It’s here. And early signs are that it’s not working out the way I’d hoped.
The cracks are showing.
On the outside, the plaster had looked crisp and clean.
But the crack in the corner that I’d ignored shows that all is not right underneath.
Have you felt that way?
Like the person you thought you were might not actually be.
That you’ve been building your life on false assumptions. On shaky foundations.
That feeling when you see the downward trending line graph.
I was feeling this exact way last week.
Rapid change and unfamiliar surroundings. Launching out into the wide ocean in just a paddle boat. Pressures mounting. Waves rising.
It’s no surprise that cracks should show in such a time of change. Yet this week I’m thankful for the cracks.
In the happy, calm times, we can construct lives for ourselves that make us believe we’re going well.
But when change comes… when the ground literally shifts beneath us… when the test paper lands in front of us… that’s when we see our live’s foundations for what they really are.
It’s uncomfortable. But I’m glad to see the truth. I want to know what I’m dealing with.
What are the pillars holding up your life?
Most of the time I get along very well. I have a lot to be thankful for. I’m well fed, live in a comfortable house, have a reasonable income, a delightful family, good friends, hobbies I enjoy. I’m fulfilled.
More than that- I have my beliefs: About who I am, my role in the world and about the solutions to the problems I see around me.
Very rarely do I consider how solid these foundations are though. As long as everything is going well above the surface, why would I?
Yet, there comes times, for all of us, when the ground quakes and the winds of change howl.
It’s here that I’m faced with the reality of how fragile life is and the sand-through-my-fingers nature of the things around me.
When it comes crashing down, what remains?
When the cracks started to show last week, it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. But I have emerged this week with surprising joy and confidence.
Though the situation remains just as uncertain, I’ve seen what’s important and what isn’t. That underneath it all, my life is built on something unshakable. I might be thrown around this way and that like a jelly tower, but my roots go down into something solid.
It’s an amazing thing to discover that what you’ve been putting your faith in doesn’t let you down.
Have you had an experience like that?
Cracks will inevitably form in the walls of our lives. No one has it all figured out. But, be thankful for the cracks. Look for them.
They’re important clues as to where our weaknesses lie, and provide the opportunity see life as it really is.
They show me that there are no quick-fixes, but that slow, daily habits are what form our lives. And when we get the chance to test the trajectory of what we think is the way to go, we shouldn’t ignore any cracks that appear.
Tom Anderson is pioneering www.haventogether.com, an online church plant supported by his in-person church, Catalyst, Ipswich. He has a young, growing family and enjoys playing backyard sport. Tom is a keen long-distance runner, averaging 21km each day last year. He has worked as a teacher for eleven years and enjoys perfecting a flat white on his home espresso machine. Tom would welcome a visit for a coffee some time… or an online catch-up via Zoom. See the Haven Together website to get in touch.