However not long after attending high school, perfectionism became a considerable hindrance in my life. Rather than something that propelled me to persevere and strive in everything I did, perfection and the need to sustain it began to control my life. Perfectionism became an impossible burden to maintain, and fear of failing both stifled and terrorised me.
Consequently I began to shy away from participating in any activities, situations or settings that could lead to failure. If I couldn't win or be the best at any given task, then I didn't want to be a participant. So instead of attempting new things, I developed a philosophy of self-exclusion.
While this philosophy didn't help me develop or grow, it felt like a safeguard against feeling awkward or even embarrassed. Thus for most of my teenager years and even into my early twenties, many facets of my life remained stagnant.
Although I am now in my early twenties, and hopefully a little wiser, I still struggle with fear and its ability to hinder me from being the person that God created me to be. I know that fear is a powerful weapon that Satan uses to trap us into self-doubt and self-loathing. He uses fear to hinder our growth and to stop us from using the individual gifts that God placed in each and every one of us.
In 1 John 4:18 it says "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love". The revelation to me in this verse was that fear was binding my life into the expectations that I have created for myself and expectations that I have allowed the world to create in me.
The only real thing that matters in life is the love God has for us, our love for him, and the strength of that relationship that is eternal. From this, every other thing I do or am involved with flows - such as friendships, family, church, study, work, play, entertainment, sport, travel, ambitions, associations, life (whatever) ….
My life now has joy in doing things boldly. Although I certainly experience fear, doubt and failure in my life, I know that these feelings are not of God. Thus if I ever feel confined or hindered by these feelings, I need only seek his strength which will empower me to overcome all things. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" Philippians 4:11.
