I remember the day well; it was an unusually warm winter February day in snowy Canada. We were surrounded by family and friends and before God when I married my best friend, Tim.
The pastor pronounced us husband and wife and said that famous line "you may kiss the bride" we took our cue and leaned in for our first kiss. No, this wasn't just our first kiss as husband and wife but our first kiss together.
And what a kiss, is all I can say!! I think our friends ended up giving us a standing ovation and cheered.
That is right my husband and I had decided to wait till we were married to kiss amongst other things. We had both kissed other people in previous relationships but not each other and before we even started dating we both had felt challenged by God to save our next kiss for the altar. So it made it an easier decision when we were discussing our boundaries.
I know you are probably thinking who waits until they are married to have sex, let alone to kiss each other. Well we did and we have no regrets for waiting. In modern dating most of us Christians try to figure out this invisible line of what is acceptable and what isn't and then we try and get as close as possible to it without crossing over.
Why do we put ourselves into so much temptation and pressure? It isn't about how close to the line you can get but how can you bring glory to God in your relationship.
Temptation
The best way to avoid temptation is to avoid areas of known weakness. If you were on a diet you wouldn't go to all you can eat dessert bar, you would avoid the dessert bar like the plague. Well the Bible tells us in 2 Timothy chapter 2 verse 22 to 'run from temptations that capture the youth." Run, not walk. If we know an area will tempt us we shouldn't even go there, we should head in the opposite direction.
Were Tim and I tempted to kiss and go farther? You bet. The temptation got worse once we were engaged. You desire this person, you want to be with this person and that is good to have. If you didn't have these natural desires I think you should re- examine your relationship. But the fact is not to put yourself into a situation where you can slip up.
There will be times in your dating that you might have to physically just get up and leave to protect yourself.
Isn't waiting to kiss legalistic
First, I want to tell you that kissing is not a sin, but kissing is a very intimate and personal connection between two people. Let's be honest here 'kissing starts what kissing can't finish.' Kissing leads to hands moving over clothing which leads to hands under clothes which leads to different forms of sex. Ask anyone who has crossed their boundaries or who is married and it all starts with an intimate kiss.
Is it legalistic to want to bring God the glory? As Christians aren't our lives supposed to bring God the glory, we aren't living a life just for our own pleasure but for Him and we are to chase after what is holy, noble and true. For both of us we had wasted kisses on other people and realized that we wanted our relationship to bring glory to God. One way to do this was to say "no kissing."
Self what???... Self-Control
It is hard to keep your boundaries and I would be lying if I didn't tell you so. The Bible tells us to be self-controlled but in our modern convenience era we want everything now. We want instant satisfaction and from young ages with the power of marketing we are told we can have whatever we want when we want.
We come to relationships and the world tells us to do what feels good. The average person waits 1-5 dates before sleeping with a person. We don't believe in self-control anymore. We get frustrated when we have to wait for something.
Then we come to the Bible and it is completely backwards from the flesh and the world. It tells us to wait for marriage, to be pure. We have to learn the patience of waiting, and the fulfilment that it brings.
We need to be reading more stories like Jacob and how he wanted to marry the beautiful Rachel but had to work 7 years before he married her. Could you imagine having to work 7 years? Well actually it turned out to be 14 for his wife. This would make national news. In fact a bride in the States received much slack for waiting till she was married and honoring her father with a certificate about it.
While I don't think you need to give your dad a certificate proving your virginity, but I think that if she felt she needed to that she should be applauded for waiting. We should be working on ourselves and our relationship with God and our partner, not just throwing ourselves into bed with them.
What happens if I slip up?
"While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans chapter 5 verse 8. Always remember that there is nothing that Christ cannot forgive us from. This doesn't give us a licence to sin but rather a hope for when we do. If you have slipped repent to the Lord, repent to your loved one, even parents and church authority.
Truly repent and see sin as sin. Get true accountability (not to your love one) from a close mentor/friend who will challenge you on your boundaries not just say "that is okay you are just human." You want someone who will call a spade a spade. If you have already had sex or gone further than you wanted to, stop now. It is never too late for the Lord to redeem. Put up guards to help you so that you don't break them again.
Keeping to our boundaries is actually a heart issue. It is about our relationship with God. If we break them are we actually willing to admit that we love doing what we are doing more than we love God? Is seeking God and His best worth the wait?
Genevieve Wilson is a happily married stay at home, home-schooling mum of 3, whose passion is to see people come to know Jesus. She worked 8 years as a missionary with Youth with a Mission (YWAM). She has a heart for justice.
Genevieve Wilson's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/genevieve-wilson.html