Cannold writes: Mixed-sex sleepovers? Help! Since reaching adolescence my boys have been keen to have girls who are "just friends" sleep at our house, and I have been just as keen to avoid it.
Cannold explained that boys sleeping over have never been a problem. Over the years I have happily purchased bunk and trundle beds, as well as air mattresses, to facilitate it. But female friends? Sorry, I kept telling my sons. I'm just not comfortable.
When it came to girls sleeping over, Leslie Cannold was worried the girl's family was in the dark? Maybe, so when my son last asked I agreed to speak to the parent. The exchange was comforting – the mother certainly knew where her daughter would be and was realistic about my minimal capacity for control – "but my unease persisted" she wrote.
Cannold was certain that her boys would NEVER touch a girl in a way they thought she did not want. But here, perhaps, was a clue to the discomfort. "What if the girl didn't know what she wanted?" Cannold enquired. (www.smh.com.au)
The above link provides the full article and Well-Being Australia chairman Mark Tronson suggests that Cannold is not trying to produce a scientific, psychological or a medical analysis on teenage brain development, rather is writing simply as a concerned parent.
Cannold's primary concern is the 'hanky panky' that 'might' occur, that by saying yes to a sleepover, it might subtly feel coercive to a teenage girl, as though adolescent sex was normal or even expected.
Delma Tronson who has been in Christian ministry with her husband Mark for 34 years says that for parents of teenagers, this is always an issue to consider, regardless of how much "protest" a teenage son or daughter might express.
Clearly, every sensible parent does not want any unsavoury situation or any complaint coming from events that occurred "in their house" when those young people were in effect, under their roof and 'some kind of supervision'.
Delma Tronson says you cannot take back what is given "as its been given", or take back what is taken "as it has been taken". Many a young person has wept the tears of "past tense".
Leslie Cannold has a point when she says: "Who knows what an adolescent girl really wants?"
Again Delma Tronson says that the "here and now" is an issue for all young people by not "recognising or thinking about consequences.". Every caring parents goes through such dilemmas. Is staying up all night "watching and waiting" an option at all? Trusting your teenager might be OK, What of the others?
The Bible is pretty sensible about such issues as it sets an initial standard. Your children will reflect what you have taught them and illustrated in your own life and marriage (Deuteronomy 6).
The Bible is also earthy, as passion and adultery is not something lost on its writers (example, David and Bathsheba). Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 acknowledges the electric passion of sexual desire.
Delma Tronson said that she and Mark (now grand-parents) offered a latitude of trust to their four children (all now adults) as they grew up (including many sleep overs). One important thing was that they knew the young people involved and they had some contact with their parents (school, social or church functions).
It is never an easy road for parents, but one that must inevitably be travelled.