As a single male in full-time ministry, I think I’ve heard it all. “Why aren’t you married yet? Who do you like? Have you considered online dating? Can I introduce you to my friend? What are you waiting for? Are you called to singleness? Bachelor to the rapture?”
I love my friends and family and understand that the majority of these questions come from loving and caring hearts. They see and experience the benefits of being in a relationship and they want me to share in those blessings as well. In reality, I don’t mind the endless questions in regards to my singleness. These questions get me excited for when God sees fit for me to get into a relationship and remind me to pray for my future spouse.
By navigating through the waves of emotion and loneliness that often breech my heart and mind, God has been faithful to remind me of these five simple truths:
Marriage isn’t the goal
I forget that the primary reason for humanity wasn’t to get married, but to give God glory. With this truth in mind, I can alleviate the inward and outward pressures the Christian community unconsciously puts on me and the majority of single believers.
If I, as a single man, can bring God more glory by being single, I need to rest in the truth that I am fulfilling my purpose in God’s plan for me.
God has a perfect plan
In my singleness, God in His manifold wisdom is working out all things for His glory. This work includes (but is not limited to): solidifying my identity in Christ, increasing my faith, building godly character, learning contentment, and learning about unconditional love.
I appreciate how the Lord takes His time in completing the good work that He has begun in me. (See Philippians 1, verse 6). As I submit to the work of the Lord in my life, I can rest assured that He is conforming me to be a better husband, father, and (Lord willing), grandfather.
God has a plan in my singleness. The adventure and responsibility for me is to figure that plan out and submit to the work of God.
God has perfect timing
Like Gandalf, God is never late, He arrives precisely when He means to. If God is the Good-gift Giver then I can trust He knows the perfect time to give His good gifts. And God, because He is a Good Father will not give His children premature blessings.
I don’t have to worry about my “biological clock” when my Savior is the Master and Creator of time.
Love is a choice
When God provides the opportunity for me to get into a relationship, I need to be reminded that love is a choice. Biblical love is a choice and not a feeling. Yes, feelings and emotions play a huge role in love, but love in its foundation is a choice.
I love that God eternally chooses to love me. This is the love that all believers are called to have not only for their significant others, but for the entire world.
We are called to seek God, not seek a relationship
The only relationship I am commanded to seek is a relationship with God. Yes, Proverbs chapter 18, verse 22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord” but the emphasis is not in seeking but in finding. The implication is this: as I seek the Lord through prayer, bible reading, fellowship, and service I will (in God’s perfect plan and timing) find the one whom God would have for me.
Single friends and family; know that God is fully in control. We don’t have to worry about our lives because God is our loving Shepherd. Remember this in your season of singleness: God is good, He has a plan, and He is never late.
You’re all invited to my wedding,
Aaron Sabio
Aaron serves in Murrieta, CA and is a pastor at Cross Culture Ministries and is also the director of On The Edge.
Aaron Sabio’s previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/aaron-sabio.html