I wrote a previous article dealing with my issues of trust in God. I was hoping that revealing a small portion of my wrestling would allow me to progress through this state of mind more quickly. That talking about my issues would free me from the thoughts trapped in the depths. And it did, at least for a short while.
After I wrote that article I felt more free, I had the ability to think about other things and tackle other issues in my life. I was able to speak more openly to others about the issues that I was facing. And this was all a very healthy step in my rebuilding trust with God. I realized that as I built trust with others, my trust with God increased.
Community
I think that community is one of the most important aspects to any Christian’s walk with God. God doesn’t “give us an out” when it comes to community. He not only engages community, but wants to shape it and form it. He was the creator of it and he doesn’t want us to dismiss it. And although community has a plethora of challenges, it’s actually through those challenges that come a surplus of God’s goodness. God speaks through people and if we dismiss the people in our lives, then I believe we can dismiss what God is doing (or wants to do).
I also believe that we need to be serving our community. That community doesn’t just exist for the individual but that the individual exists for the community. I have learned so many things by serving and loving the people around me. God has taught me so much about His Kingdom and His love as I get outside of my comfort zone and work with the people in my life. If anyone in a community doesn’t bring who they are, we are actually missing a part of who God is. That includes their skills and abilities, but also includes their doubts and grief.
Be yourself
When I think about my relationship with God in this moment, here’s what I feel: Distant, but with the knowledge that God is there. That He is present no matter my doubts or mistrust or inability to connect with Him the same way as in the past.
Christian community
Christian community has the ability to bring us to God. It reminds me of the story of the paralyzed man in Luke chapter 5, verses 18-20:
“And behold, some men were bringing on a bed a man who was paralyzed, and they were seeking to bring him in and lay him before Jesus, but finding no way to bring him in, because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and let him down with his bed through the tiles into the midst before Jesus. And when he saw their faith, he said, “Man, your sins are forgiven you.””
Sometimes I don’t have the ability to approach God myself. I can find excuses or reasons why I don’t need to go to God. A Christian community can push me towards God, they can pick me up and lay me at the feet of Jesus. They can pray with me and fight for me.
Broken
My trust with God has been broken and I’m not sure how long it will take to repair it. I don’t know when I’ll stop wrestling or how long I’ll go through the ups and downs of grief. But until that day comes, I’ll hold onto truth: That Jesus is still King.
My challenge to myself and the readers: While we wrestle, let’s cling to truth.
Jason LaLone was on staff at YWAM Brisbane and is currently in America working with Truro Anglican Church located in Fairfax, Virginia. He is passionate about discipleship, taking Jesus’ command to make disciples a practical reality that he can live on a daily basis. He loves lasagna, cats and used to dislike Mondays, making him most like Garfield.
Jason LaLone’s previous articles might be viewed at: http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/Jason-LaLone.html