What happens when one prays, hopes and expects for an outcome that, not only is not met, but the exact opposite happens?
Grief
I’m not sure what happens to you when the above question gets answered, but I do know what has happened to me. Two years ago my life got turned upside down as I lost my younger brother when he was 28. I didn’t know it at the time, but the phone call I received and the grief that proceeded would turn me into a wrestling Christian.
My faith in God was secure up until this point. I had established a firm relationship with my Lord and Savior, a relationship that I guarded and poured countless time and energy into. I had just gotten out of a missions organization (YWAM) and was ready to conquer the world for Jesus. To love each person, to pray and fight for good in the world.To see God move and work in people’s lives and to watch God fight for me. I had seen God in Australia, India, Nepal, Europe, Mexico and South Africa and I was ready to see it in my small part of America.
Trust
Here is where I boil down all my wrestling and all my musing from the last two years. I can’t promise that I’ll be in the same place a month from now, but I do have a strong inkling that I’m finally onto something.
I had a REAL relationship with God. One that I had built and stewarded for those 3 years in YWAM. A relationship that I watched grow and blossom as I saw God work in my life and the lives of those around me. I TRUSTED God. I believed God had my best interest in mind, and even when things went wrong, I still believed that God was good and knew what He was doing.
And today, I don’t think I trust God. At least not in the way I did before my brother died. I prayed for my brother almost every day for those 3 years and allowed my expectations to growthat God would intervene. I trusted that God would take care of my family, that He would come through, that He would protect and guard them. I surrendered my family to God.
When God doesn’t come through
What happens when your prayers don’t get answered and your world gets turned upside down with one phone call?For me, I wrestle and I step back. Instead of diving in head first, I become cautious and guarded. I don’t surrender my heart and I don’t allow my expectations to get ahead of me. I still pray, but with a certain restraint that I didn’t have before.
Processing Disappointment
Here’s a quote from an article I was reading earlier that helped me process what I’m feeling. The author is describing what’s happening when Jesus enters Jerusalem on a donkey and everyone is waving palm branches and shouting “Hosanna!”. This is just before Jesus gets crucified. You can read the article here: https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2019/april-web-only/jonathan-merritt-palm-sunday-gift-disillusionment.html
“Jesus entered the city on a donkey, but we know he will leave in a body bag. This is not just a fun parade; Jesus is walking down death row.
Here we have a picture of what happens to a group of very religious people when they feel disappointed by God. At the start, the crowds embrace Jesus with dopamine levels soaring and shouts of “Save us now!” As soon as Jesus turns out to be something other than the savior they expect, their Hosannas morph into “Crucify him!”.. Jesus is a king, but not the kind they wanted.” Jonathan Merritt
What is God teaching me?
There’s no possible way to boil down all that God is teaching me. This quote certainly describes me most of the time: “Jesus is a king, but not the kind they wanted”. So,why doesn’t God do more? I don’t know.
But, there is something that I DO know. That Jesus is still King.
My challenge to myself and the readers: While we wrestle, let’s cling to truth.
Jason LaLone was on staff at YWAM Brisbane and is currently in America working with Truro Anglican Church located in Fairfax, Virginia. He is passionate about discipleship, taking Jesus’ command to make disciples a practical reality that he can live on a daily basis. He loves lasagna, cats and used to dislike Monday's, making him most like Garfield.
Jason LaLone’s previous articles might be viewed at: http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/Jason-LaLone.html