Recently a group of friends and I discussed what would we do if we were invited to a same sex wedding. We toyed with what it means to support our friends and family and if supporting friends should happen at the expense of honouring God?
What if it Weren’t This Way
One thing we wrestled with was “what if was a different scenario?” Let’s say it was a Christian friend, marrying a non-Christian, would we go? Would we struggle the same way? Answers varied, with most acknowledging the ease with which we were willing to overlook one scenario for the other. We realized that to sway on the standards of righteousness is to be inconsistent at best, and lacking integrity and being sinful at worst.
What Says Jesus
We know from at least one encounter that Jesus probably digs weddings. The miracle of water turning to wine happened at such a gathering, and maybe that is no coincidence. Christ endorses weddings. He created the premise of marriage and covenant relationship. God’s Word endorses, outlines and guides covenant relationship. So since he endorses it and since He ate with sinners, would Jesus walk in with his pristine wrapped toaster oven as He smiled for pictures and oohed and aahed the décor of a same-sex wedding?
I Don’t Believe He would
Jesus often drew critical commentary from the Pharisees because of eating with sinners (Luke 15:2). Many persons use this to sanction all sorts of interactions with non-Christians. While this truth of God engaging with unbelievers should challenge us to not turn persons away, theologian and author Kevin DeYoung, says this truth should be “safeguarded against doctrinal and ethical error.”
He explains that if we are to celebrate that the Lord Jesus is a “glorious friend of sinners”, we must pay careful attention to the ways in which Jesus actually was a friend to sinners. DeYoung outlines the manner in which Jesus engaged with sinners, as he cites Christ’s encounter and dining with Levi and Zaccheus. He states:
“In what way was Jesus a friend of sinners? Did he have a grand strategy for reaching tax collectors? Did he indiscriminately “hang out” with drunks and prostitutes? Was he an easy going live-and-let-live kind of Messiah? What we see … is that sinners were drawn to Jesus, that Jesus gladly spent time with sinners who were open to his teaching, that Jesus forgave repentant sinners, and that Jesus embraced sinners who believed in him. Jesus was a friend of sinners not because he winked at sin, ignored sin, or enjoyed light-hearted revelry with those engaged in immorality. Jesus was a friend of sinners in that he came to save sinners and was very pleased to welcome sinners who were open to the gospel, sorry for their sins, and on their way to putting their faith in Him.”
I want to acknowledge that though attending the ceremony stands as support both to the couple and to those around, attached to weighing of this matter is the real fear of disrupted relationships or being perceived as unloving, and that makes the decision very challenging.
But we can lovingly explain our stance and continue to engage in a way that points the person to Christ. Again, future dynamics will come into play. Things like sleeping at your house together one day, attending anniversary dinners, etc. Wisdom and godly counsel will have to guide especially in the case of a family member.
Q&A segment
Focus on the Family, in a Q&A segment, explains that the loss of relationship reason takes the following propositions for granted:
1. If you want to protect your relationship …you will have to attend the wedding.
2. If you don't attend the wedding, the relationship will be destroyed.
They point out that neither is necessarily accurate or valid, because though we as Christians should place a high priority on maintaining positive relationships with family members and friends, Christ’s example is of one who chose stances that made Him sometimes the source of ridicule for the sake of convicting towards repentance.
Protecting relationships does not trump our loyalty to Christ and the advancing of the gospel.
Stacy-Ann Smith is a Press Service International West Indies young writer and the 2017 Internationals Young Writers Theology Award winner.