You know how you hear phrases and you think ‘ I should write an article on that!’ Step forward exhibit A, please…
As per the above - ‘it’s not really chocolate’ made me laugh and think quite a lot, and I am hoping that what I will write about will make you think too. So here goes.
Upon reflection
The phrase itself was spoken by a colleague at work. This was following a discussion about a kind of snack, which was meant, ironically to curb cravings. It might have worked on my colleagues; but if anything - for me - I was finding my cravings for that chocolate bar increase! I was having a moment with them, asking about how they were and how they were feeling – and chatting with them about how my diet has changed since doing this job.
Before, I never used to really eat chocolate – at least it was not a ‘thing’ for me. But since I have worked on this show, I have found myself wanting chocolate on an almost daily basis; and to the extent that during our church ‘Febfast’ I gave it up, because it was something that I felt was becoming a ‘thing’. It amazed me, on reflection. that something that has never been an issue for me could suddenly become something that I had to give up.
But what I found intriguing about the conversation was different peoples’ interpretation of reality. I had opened the bar/snack from its wrapper and. quite plainly for all to see. there was a dark-looking sweet substance around the contents of the snack. In laymen’s terms – this is chocolate.
I totally understand that there are different strengths and kinds and percentages of cacao - but fundamentally, looking at this – confirmed, THIS IS CHOCOLATE. It amazed me when my colleague turned around and said to me ‘but I would not count that as chocolate’. I thought to myself – what else could it possibly be?
I was thinking about this earlier – we are all guilty of placing a skin over the top of reality to make it fit what we want to see. She did not want to see chocolate, so she adjusted her realm of reality to fit what she wanted to see – which was something that would help her to diet. I think back to what she said now, and I wonder – what reality do I not see because I adjust the surroundings to fit my narrative? What do I speak into my surroundings that fit into the reality that I have created and allowed to stay around?
I am looking for a new season – and as part of the contract life, you go from job to job, so there is a lot of trust involved in this. I have to say that the first few weeks of the year I felt relatively relaxed and I trusted God but the last few days have been challenging and a little more of a test for me.
I guess that sometimes, when you have a job and the end seems far enough in the distance you can praise God loudly and fearlessly because it is far enough away for you to not worry. But when in my case the end is only weeks away, I have to think – do I trust God?
Adjusting to reality
I have longed to be over this and on to my next ‘lesson’ but I sometimes find that with God the best ones are the ones that are revised, refreshed and re-examined in the light of new realities. The reality I was seeing was that my colleagues were all getting jobs which I had prayed for and it was exciting to see it come to pass. I was really excited for them and very pleased that it had worked out. As I saw them move on and felt ‘left behind’
I began to adjust my reality to fit my surroundings – it was my ‘it’s not really chocolate’ moment, only what I was thinking, was that God had forgotten me, or that God was ‘out of the office’. Not much, but just enough for me to start to try and take matters into my own hands. My reality was fulfilling my own desires to go it alone and forget the sovereign power and ability of God to bring things out of nowhere!
It is interesting because I do realize that God is sovereign and powerful – I do see chocolate as chocolate. But it is funny how the spiritual and profound truths that I sing in church and jump around to on a Sunday can fade on a Monday. I think however, that I have turned a corner. I do not say this because I am feeling like a ‘holy joe’. I am saying this because
I have experienced a very quiet but definite shift in my spirit, like a shift in a gear stick. You know how you can tell when the engine is too highly revved ? I wonder if I was too highly revved – relying on my own strength and hopes instead of just seeing what God would do and allowing him to prompt me about who to contact. I guess I had a quiet revelation in that I thought to myself – I can choose my response to this.
I can either believe what God says, that he is my provider and my source, or I can say that I am. God’s provision is measureless and infinite – mine is limited.
Trusting God
I remember a few years ago when I ventured into contract life, I felt God whisper about it being a trust journey. I got scared and went into a permanent role instead; which did suit me but not for the long term.
It seems that now is the time to develop my trust and reliance on God and to listen and walk in his ways and hear his heartbeat for my future. If I can put it like this – if NOT seeing reality involves denying the existence of chocolate on a snack, then it is time for me to see the reality; to wake up and smell the chocolate.
Rosie Robinson is a PSI young writer based in England.