The wilderness experience
The proverbial ‘Wilderness’ experience – a familiar concept, that almost everyone goes through at some point in their life. Though it is different for everyone, most would describe it as as a season of isolation and loneliness; often where one may feel vulnerable and abandoned so to speak, with little social support.
A time of spiritual and emotional desert; a proverbial journey through the barren regions of the soul. As many know, the concept of the wilderness experience is derived from the Scriptures, and many Biblical protagonists went through such a time – both literally and figuratively.
The entire nation of early Israel spent 40 years being led through the literal wilderness before they could enter a land promised to them by God himself. Many prophets and leaders, from Jacob to John the Baptist, spent time in a kind of ‘wilderness’.
For some, it was periods of physical separation from society as they sought closer connection to God and guidance in their respective callings. For others, it was periods of personal hardship and suffering. Jesus himself entered a wilderness before commencing his Earthly ministry, where his character was tested as he sought the will and blessing of the Father.
In the Biblical sense, the ‘wilderness’ is always difficult; a time of trial and hardship where faith and character are put to the test. Likewise for many today.
My wilderness
Even in modern society, we all will experience the ‘wilderness’ at some point in our life, and it can take many forms. It might be the long process of working through the loss of a loved one or the end of a serious relationship. It could be a time of financial hardship or the failure of a career.
For myself, I’ve been through the wilderness experience more than once, but the hardest and longest stint has without a doubt been the series of lock-downs here in the United Kingdom.
Long story short, I left Australia to come here shortly before the borders closed and restrictions set in. A combination of the lock-down and a shortage of jobs in my field meant I struggled for six months before the first opportunity came along.
Due to the nature of the work, I was soon travelling solo all over the UK. This was an amazing opportunity, and I was very blessed to be able to see so much of the country despite what was going on. But while it sounds like it was all upside, it turned out to be one of the most difficult and isolating times of my life.
With any accommodation still open being subjected to tight restrictions, I spent much of my spare time confined to hotel rooms, as if under house arrest. All ‘in-person’ contact for almost a year was through a mask and 2 meters away.
The most conversation I had during the course of a day was through people’s doorways, instigated by work-related enquiries. The only way to ‘meet’ anyone for that entire time was via a zoom meeting! Though most of the world was subjected to varying severity of restrictions, few people have had to deal with such a situation for months on end.
It didn’t take long for it to have effect, and I soon found myself struggling with feelings of depression and anxiety – a mixture of hopelessness at the situation and anger at ending up in such a predicament in the first place. It is hard to maintain a sense of purpose and meaning when your entire life consists of only yourself, and the few people you keep in touch with back home.
To feel as though your life is of no consequence to anyone, and wonder if that will change, is a hard place to be.
Time in the wilderness is valuable
This was not just a wilderness, but the deepest, darkest reaches of it. And it seemed like there was no end in sight. Much of this last year has felt like a complete and utter waste. I felt so disconnected and isolated from the world around me that nothing really seemed to matter.
But in the darkest moments I found real, tangible hope. In the midst of isolation – the complete absence of external distractions, I was forced to come face to face with myself. I had no choice but to consider my flaws and shortcomings, the habits that hold me back, and most of all, the need for help beyond my power.
I came to realise that only in the absence of the distraction a social environment provides could I come to acknowledge the deepest needs in my life, and learn to depend on the only one who could provide for them.
God knew exactly what I needed and how to provide it. I cried out for help, and it came. Though my situation didn’t change immediately, my heart and attitude toward it did. I began to experience change from the inside out. I found myself reacting to difficult situations more calmly. And most of all, I experienced true peace at times when I should have felt heart-wrenching anxiety and hopelessness.
My situation took on new meaning: rather than feeling weak and demoralised, I found strength and resilience. I found the power to change in the midst of my circumstances. I was able to learn and grow in ways I never would have realised had I never experienced the hardship of isolation. And so, the wilderness became not just valuable, but a critical experience in the journey of my life.
It was never a waste
Though incredibly hard at times, this season in the wilderness was exactly what I needed. I had prayed for help to change in certain areas of my life, and it came in the only way that could work for me.
God understands how we are wired better than anyone, and He knows what we need to move forward and live the meaningful life He intended. He wants what is best for us, and sometimes what is best is what is hard.
As Romans 8:28 says, He “works all things together for the good of those who love Him...”. I have certainly found this to be true, and more so as time goes on. You might feel like large parts of your life have been a waste; times when it seems like all you did was suffer for seemingly no reason.
But the beautiful thing about having a sovereign, all-powerful God who loves us is that he can use whatever has happened – even what has been and gone – to achieve great things in our life.
If He can raise the dead, He can certainly restore to you what seems wasted, if you will turn your heart and let Him. It is NEVER a waste.