Have you ever been chased? And I mean, REALLY chased? Maybe a dog down the street got of its leash, or maybe you broke your sister’s favourite toy (when you were a child) and she decided to break your face?
You no doubt have felt it; the fear inside you which makes your legs run faster than you thought humanly possible. Your heart beats at supersonic speeds and suddenly you’re about ten kilometres away.
I’m being playful with dramatic language to get at something, fear motives us. Fear, if we don’t freeze first, is a powerful fuel and defence mechanism to escape whatever danger we perceive ourselves in. It can seem a useful tool; it gets us away from threats, it tells us what to avoid, and it gives us more energy than we thought we had. However, there is on big problem with fear.
It is unsustainable.
Think of fear like a drug which gets released in our bodies. There are effects which are incredibly helpful, such as heightened adrenaline, but too much will likely cause severe changes in our chemistry and the stuff that is being pumped into our body as a result will end up being too much for us. Like anything, it can be useful, but too much is simply too much.
So, what do we do about that? I’ve been reflecting a lot on my decision to follow Christ. When I was around thirteen, I had a key moment which helped me understand the reality and severity of Hell. I understood that suffering would be eternal, and that the path I was on would likely lead straight to it. I didn’t choose to pursue God, I chose to flee Hell.
Running away
This is what I was talking about when I discussed running because of fear. I had recognised a threat and decided to flee it. Do you see the problem with this? The Christian life is just that… Life. It lasts a lot longer than an adrenaline-fueled retreat from a fear and requires an endurance and strength that is simply unsustainable in a state of fear. This was a state I was in.
For a while, it worked. I was praying more, loving more and being more ‘Christian’. When I reached my late teens, however, it simply wasn’t enough. The fear didn’t feel as strong anymore. The adrenaline wasn’t fuelling me anymore. Maybe I had gotten used to it.
This lasted a number of years and I found myself simply going through the motions. However, without the fear to fuel me, I wasn’t really sure what being a Christian was meant to be. I still acted as if God was real and tried to see the Kingdom of Heaven come to Earth, and I never quite felt the fuel I could see in other people I admired and respected.
Running towards
I wasn’t able to articulate this until recently, and I can’t tell you an exact moment this became my thinking, but some part of me once realised that positive emotion trumps negative emotion every time; love is much stronger than fear. Somewhere along the way, I realised that I had been doing it wrong. That it wasn’t about understanding the eternal suffering of Hell, it is about pursuing the ultimate good of God.
Desire is something much stronger than fear. When we desire something, our actions change as a result because our lives become machines dedicated to seeing our desires come to fruition; it is simply how humans behave. Think of the way a bee’s only goal in life is to gather honey; its desire is to gather for its colony, and its life only revolves around that.
Christ told the Pharisees what the greatest commandment was way back in Matthew, but internalising such an idea is a very different reality, “He (Christ) said to him (Pharisee), “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37, NRSV). Christ was right. I know, a bold claim.
Every now and then I think back on where I was a year ago in terms of faith, and I think “Man, I really wasn’t a Christian back then. NOW I get it.” It is one of my favourite moments because it humbles me so much; I know that the next time I do it, it will be the exact same way. This moment of realising that I should not be running from fear was one such moment. So, if I had to leave with some brilliant one-liner to inspire us to reflect on our faith, I would say this. Don’t spend time running away from fear, figure out what it is you could be running towards.