Coming to the realisation that a lot of my mental and emotional struggles are a direct result of a desire for control has been a difficult journey! I don’t find myself questioning my belief in Christ or my salvation, but rather my ability to have faith in Him without restraint.
The desire for control over various areas of my life, paired with my deeply-rooted people-pleasing personality, often results in dissatisfaction with answers to prayers if it isn’t the precise outcome I “applied my faith” for.
What is control?
What is control, really? Although my flare for the dramatic screams that control is merely an illusion, a simple paraphrased definition is that it is the power to influence behaviour or how events unfold.
“So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? (Matthew chapter 6, verses 28-30).
My journey to let go of control has led me to look at this scripture a little differently. I, in reality, have control over my own choices and how I respond to the consequences thereof. That being said, I have no control over the actions of others, nor the series of events leading to a specific outcome.
How do I let go?
Letting go of the illusion that I can determine any outcome for myself, control the final results of a moment that includes multiple outside inputs, is tumultuous. In essence, the first step is often the hardest step to take; the acknowledgment that I cannot control anything outside my immediate actions.
“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes chapter 3, verse 11).
Exercising faith with closed hands is simple. Trusting God and exercising faith with a hand that has released control is far more difficult. This scripture in Ecclesiastes chapter 3 is a poignant reminder that timing is in God’s control and we cannot see the full scope of His plan.
None of that is to say that He doesn’t know the entirety of His plan, the purposes outlaid for His creations. Quite the opposite, it’s for us to take an even greater step of faith and trust an end we cannot see.
Perhaps the first step is to simply open our hands, let go and pray for help in letting go of our pursuit of control. It’s often far more devastating to our own well-being when we hold onto the damaging notion that we can change the end to God’s plans.
It’s out of my hands, now what?
I haven’t mastered the art of letting go of control. It’s a situational process and often results in me wondering “what now”? Now, we wait! “Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.” (Psalm chapter 27, verse14).
When we relinquish control, we do not delegate this control to an unknown and untrustworthy source, but the Beginning and the End, the Creator of all. Opening our hands allows us to hand over to God and stand firmly on His character. Waiting on something that you’ve released to God is like, waiting for a fresh sprout. No matter how perfect we may maintain the conditions, your plant will only sprout in its season. Patience is key.
Patience and control seem to be contrary ideas, but there’s a profound moment that takes place in the moment of letting go, letting God, and waiting to hear His beckoning in the everyday silence. There is no perfection in this process; no ideal morning routine that will hasten an answer, no bell tower to summon the troops, just the desire in your heart (and mine) to see God move in the everyday.
Patience requires courage and bravery from us. Patience with no situational control can be painstaking. But we are in control of how we respond to the wait. Now that we’ve let go of control, we wait. And we wait well!