My time on the other side of the fence
For the last two years I have been in Europe, most of that time being in the UK with shorter stints in Spain and Portugal. This whole journey has been a real roller-coaster ride, as I had both really amazing and extremely difficult experiences. To name a few;
- I worked as a volunteer in hostels in London and Portugal, and on an estate on the west coast of Scotland
- I met people from all over the world
- I drove around much of the UK for work in the middle of lockdown,
- I had my wallet, phone and passport stolen in Portugal,
- I was stranded in London for over a week with almost no money before being able to catch a flight home
I had some of the best and worst experiences of my life, and I could talk about it for hours.
Since coming home I had a few realizations about our tendency to seek the better life, as the old saying goes: ‘the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence’. Having crossed the fence for two years to see what life is like on the other side of the world, I feel like I have a unique point of view.
A change in perspective
I used to take so much for granted, growing up with the benefits and advantages that come with our geography. I had a mentality that overlooked many of my blessings and imagined that life would be better in a future place.
Ironically, it was the small things that I missed the most; the warm weather, long sunny days, the sound of crickets at night, and the abundance of space to name a few. Being from South-East Queensland, I’d be remiss not to mention the miles of pristine beaches and mild winters as well! I’ve seen some amazing things in Europe, but what we have here is unmatched, and growing up with it I took it for granted.
Looking back now, I realize I was stuck in a rut before I left. I had struggles that many others go through at some stage in life, but they did seem to happen in close succession: losing a job unexpectedly, a serious break-up, going through a career change, moving to a new place and feeling like the outsider for a time.
Because I was looking around at others and comparing myself, I couldn’t appreciate the blessings I had. In other words, it wasn’t necessarily the circumstances that had to change, but my perspective.
During the particularly difficult times over the last two years, I was reminded of the well-known verses in Philippians chapter 4:
“... I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and… how to abound… both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians chapter 4, verses 11-13)
When you read those verses, remember this was Paul who wrote from a dungeon. He was enduring persecution for his faith as he wrote to the Philippians, not merely at peace with his circumstances, but actually praising God that his situation had served to further his witness for Christ. He truly embodied the principle of gratefulness and faith in God’s plan for his life.
Opportunity can dull gratefulness
The problem we have in first-world Australia is often quite the opposite. We’re so saturated with choice and opportunity that our senses have been dulled to the many blessings we have. This obviously doesn’t go for everyone, and God knows there were times in my life that felt like I was just barely surviving. But reflecting on Paul’s suffering and response to it puts our world in perspective.
I think the more common experience today is more akin to the third kind of seed described in the ‘Parable of the Sower’ taught by Jesus: “Now the ones that fell among thorns are those who, when they have heard, go out and are choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity.” (Luke chapter 8, verse14)
Right now, the greatest danger to many of us is not persecution, but excess. Now this is not to delegitimize your relevant needs or struggles by any means. But we do currently live in the (objectively) best period of history, and us Australians have one of the most well-off countries on Earth.
The point is that we need to place our lives in perspective and distinguish between legitimate needs and shallow discontentment. For me, the difference didn’t click until I arrived back on our shores.
Perspective informs appreciation
I think part of the discontentment I felt was due to the longing we all have to find our own ‘Eden’ or ‘Nirvana’. Thanks to some of the struggles and needs I experienced, a small part of me thought I might find the answers elsewhere - where life might be different.
But that was really a misplaced desire for a perfection we cannot find in this life. The reality is, almost wherever you go, people have the same complaints and struggles, or very similar at least. No matter how wealthy a country is, there is always a need. No matter how much entertainment or recreation is on offer, there is always loneliness and isolation.
In having so much opportunity, many of us have come to believe that Eden is within reach in this life. When we are given more, we want more. And I am just as guilty of it as anyone. But I have learned the long way that we are not meant to reach Eden in this life. A better and more attainable goal is contentment - to be grateful for what you do have, and trust that you’re not meant to have what you don’t.
Seek answers, find contentment
You might feel like you are missing out, or like life owes you more than you have. You’re feelings are legitimate, and you should do something about it. Sometimes you do need a change of location. Perhaps the only way for you to grow is to get out of your comfort zone. Leave the safe, little Shire and embark on an uncomfortable but necessary journey.
For me, I had to leave what I had to truly appreciate it. This wasn’t the only purpose to my journey, but it was a welcomed result of it. It is what it took for me gain perspective and become grateful, but it’s different for everyone. The important thing is that you ask yourself the hard questions, pray for the answers, and prepare yourself to act on them.