There comes a time in every relationship where one or both people involved think to themselves “I should leave and go find someone better” The thought may occur during or after an argument, orwhen a certain expectation isn’t met, or during some sort of miscommunication where your feelings are hurt.
It doesn’t matter what sparked the thought, we just need to ensure we don’t believe it or allow it to take root.
Could we possibly find someone better?
Yes, we could. In my case, I’m sure there are other women out there who love to work out, go to poetry events, write poetry, go on camping trips with teenagers, run 5K races, hike to the Blue Mountain peak, who loves Christian Hip Hop music, loves playing racing games and is always sensitive about how she communicates with me.
Sadly,those things do not currently make up my woman’s natural personality. Being with such a woman, would probably be quite fun for me, I won’t deny. However, what are the chances of me leaving my woman within whom I’ve invested so much, to find another who fits with me like a glove?
The chances are quite slim. Because while I wish my fiancée and I shared the same interests, I can’t help but acknowledge all the other good things she brings to the table.
1. She enjoys studying God’s word with me (Big Deal to me)
2. Our disagreements are always discussed in a civil and calm manner
3. She acknowledges where she falls short once I bring it to her attention and tries to do better
4. She has lowered her expectations of me so that I can save money
5. She supports me in my ministry
6. She writes, (not poetry) but it’s better than nothing
7. She will happily run a 5K race with me if it’s at night
8. She is thoughtful and very caring when I’m sick
9. She is gorgeous
10. I could go on and on, but there is a word limit to obey
The thing is while it is possible for me to find someone “better”than her the likelihood of me ending up with worse is higher. If God has brought us together for a purpose, who am I to give up on my purpose just because she doesn’t meet my every need?
What if she has an intention to develop an appreciation for the things that make me who I am, but I never give her the chance to?
Many people give up their good thing with the hope of finding better and end up with regret. If you have someone who is 80% great but 20% bad don’t give up the 80% just because you don’t like the 20% that is how most humans are and so you most likely won’t find better, you will either find the same or worse.
Contentment
There are many scriptures found in the bible that speak about contentment, sadly however, in the modern church we rarely hear that word we are taught that we deserve more, we should do more and throw more tithes in order to get more, as if what we have is not enough.
Some of us have a house, 2 cars, our bills are paid on time every month and the only time we hunger is when we deliberately fast from food, yet we want more. Some of us have an awesome spouse like mine, who is much better than most other people out there, they are transparent, generous with their time, money and effort, they love the Lord, they are respectful, loyal, hardworking, affectionate and humble enough to apologise when they recognize they are wrong, yet we want more.
Many of us have a hard time finding joy and peace in our lives, we pray and fast for them to come yet they elude us daily. May I propose that our problem is not that we are not getting what wewant, rather our problem is that we are not content with what we already have.
This is why envy is a sin. Not only does envy tempt us to take what doesn’t belong to us, it robs us of our peace and joy if we never get what we see other people have.
Comparison is a Thief
I remember once watching a video of children living in an impoverished nation, I saw their smiles and how they played with each other, many of them eating sometimes only 1 meal each day and I was impressed with how joyful they were despite their circumstances. I concluded it was because they probably didn’t know what aPlaystation was and no one else around them had on shoes.
They couldn’t envy more privileged children because they never saw more privileged children.They were happy with less than ideal circumstances because they were content knowing once their eyes opened each morning, they had something to be thankful for.
Comparing our spouse to other men/women around us who seem better, robs us of the joy that is to be had by receiving the gift God has given. Though it isn’t innate, we must focus more on the good and less on the bad about our spouse if we are to recognize how green our grass actually is.
Darren Salmon is a 27 year old young man from Kingston, Jamaica where he read for his Bachelor of Science degree in BioTechnology at the University of West Indies. He became a follower of Jesus when he was 10 and has since developed a ministry of Christian Poetry for which he has gained a godly reputation. He became a young writer with Christian Today through the recommendation of Stacy-Ann Smith an established and award-winning young writer.
To read Darren’s previous articles visit his weebly site at https://www.pressserviceinternational.org/darren-salmon.html