Growing up I had a dad that loved me, which I now realize I should have never taken for granted. He worked hard to give my brothers and myself a good life. A life in which I didn’t have to struggle for every day provisions or try to find love, because I could find it in him. I knew there would be food in the pantry, chocolate milk in the fridge and pizza on Friday’s. I knew that he would try his best to make it to every soccer game andit didn’t matter if we won or lost because he would love me either way.
In many ways, this put me ahead of most of the world. The fact that I had a dad that loved and provided for me gave me a great chance to make a good life. I had the opportunity to go to college and to be pushed in a loving and gentle way into a better future for myself.
Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t perfect. There were moments of struggle, of frustration and fighting. I grew up in a strict family, with tons of rules, which any normal teenager would test.
Rules and lies
I tried to follow their rules until high school where I met friends that had different rules (or no rules at all). And what I found was “freedom”. And in that moment, I learned to lie. One lie, that turned in to many.
“Where are you going today, Jason?” My father would ask in a suspicious tone. “Oh, I’m going to the movies, there’s this PG rated movie that my friends want to see, and then we’re going to dinner. I’ll be home around 10pm.”
All lies. I couldn’t tell him I was going to a friend’s house where there would be girls, a hot tub and drinking. Instead I learned to lie, and I actually got pretty good at it. Most of what I ended up doing in high school, I would lie about. Mainly because I didn’t want to get in trouble or let my parents down.
Our Father
This is how my picture of my Heavenly Father was built. Yes, God loved me. I sang about God’s love in Sunday School and learned it through verses like John chapter 3 verse 16. And, I learned about it through my father, who loved me. It made sense to me that God would love His children, because my Father did.
I also learned that a lie can go a long way in getting what I wanted. So, I learned to lie to God or at least justify my actions so that I could do what I wanted. I hated being surround by rules all the time. I was constantly reminded in my household of rules, particularly the ones I broke. So lying became easy and normal.
When I started to read the Bible for myself, outside of Sunday school, it was easy for me to see rules. “Don’t” became a word I started to resent, I felt boxed in and trapped inside a world of rules. My freedom was being hindered and as an anxious teenager, I needed an outlet.
Here’s where the past meets the present and where I start to ask questions of God. Like:
WHO ARE YOU!?
I want freedom. I have never wanted a box. I want to get out and live life to the fullest without tons of rules to live by. So, who is God? A God of Leviticus and the Law? Or a God of Genesis, who creates a wonderful world for us to live in? A God that comes and lives with His people and says things like this in John chapter 10 verse 10 “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
Wrestling
Here’s my wrestling: When I experience the “stealing, killing and destroying” that Jesus says, it makes me want to lie. I lie so that I can experience the second half of Jesus’ statement, “have life and have it abundantly.”
There have been many times that Jesus’ statement doesn’t fit. But other times in which I have found a life in following God that I won’t ever give up.
My challenge to myself and the readers: Let’s open our “secret” lives to God, without lying, let’s be honest before Our Father.
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Jason LaLone was on staff at YWAM Brisbane and is currently in America working with Truro Anglican Church located in Fairfax, Virginia. He is passionate about discipleship, taking Jesus’ command to make disciples a practical reality that he can live on a daily basis. He loves lasagna, cats and used to dislike Monday's, making him most like Garfield.
Jason LaLone’s previous articles might be viewed at: http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/Jason-LaLone.html
Jason LaLone was on staff at YWAM Brisbane and is currently in America working with Truro Anglican Church located in Fairfax, Virginia. He is passionate about discipleship, taking Jesus’ command to make disciples a practical reality that he can live on a daily basis. He loves lasagna, cats and used to dislike Mondays, making him most like Garfield.
Jason LaLone’s previous articles might be viewed at: http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/Jason-LaLone.html